Up on the Latest?

I love art. But the thing about art is that there’s so much of it!  There is an infinite number of styles, methods, techniques, ideas, and ways to combine materials.  This is a great thing.  And at any given moment, someone is giving birth another new idea, often with amazing and breathtaking results.   It’s literally impossible to think that one can possibly know all the new ins and outs of art, but I, apparently am so far behind, I might be described as being in the Dark Ages. 

Let me illustrate:   When I was at the quilt show I noticed a new (to me, anyway) technique that was really making its way around the hall.  I had never heard of this technique before the quilt show, but it seemed to be everywhere I went with very inspiring results.  Everyone else seemed to be completely “up” on this new thing, but I had never even heard of it!  It was then that I realized that “hipster” me (as I like to think of myself) is actually a quilting dinosaur -  while the rest of the fiber art world is moving at the speed of light, me and my pea brain are plodding slowly through the fabric jungle, waiting for the creative meteor to hit.  Yikes!

Rarely do I know about trends and techniques in the quilting world.  This is further illustrated to me every time I actually make it to my quilting bee.  I just don’t know where these women get their 411!  They seem to know about everyone  and everything, from fabric to techniques to machines, thread, notions…the list continues while  I  sit there, woefully ignorant and completely unschooled.   

“Maybe I need to take more quilting classes,” I think.  “Or do more internet searches…or order more magazines on quilting…” (Come to think of it, I did order a magazine on machine quilting at the quilt show, but for some reason it hasn’t shown up yet - perhaps I had better check up on that sometime.  Especially since it was one of those unintended purchases that put me over my spending limit, and here I sit, not getting one iota of knowledge or enjoyment from it – shame on me!)  But for some reason, I never actually do it.

I did join a Textile Arts Guild in Austin back in October, thinking it would be a way to learn new things, but have been unable to remember to go to any of the meetings thus far, which makes me think that perhaps this was not such a bully idea. (Past experience tells me that if I don’t actually remember something is happening  - like a once a month meeting - I actually have no interest in it.)  So I’ll let that membership lapse, although I’m sure there was a lot I could’ve learned from the experience. 

I want to learn more, become better, truly I do.  And I know there are many people out there from whom I can learn a great deal.  But still, I seem to resist.  I wonder why…

First, I must say that it’s not as though I have any trouble coming up with projects even in my state of ignoramus-ness.  I’m full of ideas, in fact.  There are several sketches, notes, lists of ideas, etc. waiting to be turned into reality in my studio right at this moment.  And many of them, as I have pointed out before, are more than a bit ambitious.  I definitely learn as I go on many of my projects, which may mean that I am wasting time inventing a technique that is already in service – hmm - doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?

On the flip side, in a Willy Wonka world with too many choices and where everything looks fun and delicious, I want to try it all - but I simply cannot.  The danger of becoming overwhelmed with intentions and actually never doing anything is a very real one, at least for me.  I guess one way of not flat-lining is to just not know about it – that way I won’t feel like I’m missing something.   

There’s another reason, too, for my lack of expert knowledge, if I’m to be completely honest (and of course, I must).   I have to admit that while I love to go to the quilt festival and be inspired by the beauty and innovation I see there, I like to try to come up with stuff on my own – to not be too influenced by new trends, but to just let my ideas bubble up organically, with no “fad fertilizer.”  How cheeky!  “Who the hell do I think I am? “ I ask myself.  Well, it’s not exactly just arrogance – allow me to explain myself to me (and you.)

It’s not like I don’t realize that none of my ideas are inherently original; I feel like my connection to life and other human beings precludes that, but if I’m not so “in the know,” then I can feel like they’re developing from a place of creativity inside me; from my consciousness  - which come to think of it, doesn’t really work for me either, because I believe my consciousness is connected to everyone else, anyway. 

“So,” you might say “what’s the difference?”  Well, as it turns out, for me -- that’s where a lot of my creative enjoyment is derived – coming up with a ridiculous or fantastic idea and finding some way to make it a reality.  Part of the pleasure I get is from actually not knowing what I’m doing!  Now, not having all the skills and the knowledge to make my dreams three dimensional might (and does) lead to disaster or failure at times, but I guess that’s just the way I like to do it -it’s part of the journey for me.   

However,  I’m still gonna make an attempt to be more informed – you never know when – or how – creativity might strike, and when it does, it does help a lot to have the skills to turn that creative idea into a living, breathing piece of art.  I’m going to look things up on the internet more, and try to stay more informed on techniques, etc – in small doses.  (I learned from Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka that too much of a good thing can indeed be bad.)   

Ahh -  suddenly (Satori!)  I realize that having skills and knowledge is not going to stop me from coming up with ideas  - in fact, often understanding leads to greater freedom  -  freedom to go wherever my little dinosaur brain can take me.  It’s not about waiting for the creative meteor to hit - it’s about the steps you take before it hits.  Then you might just have somewhere to go afterwards. 

Well, like I said, it’s a journey…  

To Trend or Not to Trend

I love art. But the thing about art is that there's so much of it!  There are an infinite number of styles, methods, techniques, ideas, and ways to combine materials.  This is a great thing.  And at any given moment, someone is giving birth another new idea, often with amazing and breathtaking results.   It’s literally impossible to think that one can possibly know all the new ins and outs of art, but I, apparently am so far behind, I might be described as being in the Dark Ages. 

Let me illustrate:   When I was at the quilt show I noticed a new (to me, anyway) technique that was really making its way around the hall.  I had never heard of this technique before the quilt show, but it seemed to be everywhere I went with very inspiring results.  Everyone else seemed to be completely “up” on this new thing, but I had never even heard of it!  It was then that I realized that “hipster” me (as I like to think of myself) is actually a quilting dinosaur -  while the rest of the fiber art world is moving at the speed of light, me and my pea brain are plodding slowly through the fabric jungle, waiting for the creative meteor to hit.  Yikes!

Rarely do I know about trends and techniques in the quilting world.  This is further illustrated to me every time I actually make it to my quilting bee.  I just don’t know where these women get their 411!  They seem to know about everyone  and everything, from fabric to techniques to machines, thread, notions…the list continues while  I  sit there, woefully ignorant and completely unschooled.   

“Maybe I need to take more quilting classes,” I think.  “Or do more internet searches…or order more magazines on quilting…” (Come to think of it, I did order a magazine on machine quilting at the quilt show, but for some reason it hasn’t shown up yet - perhaps I had better check up on that sometime.  Especially since it was one of those unintended purchases that put me over my spending limit, and here I sit, not getting one iota of knowledge or enjoyment from it – shame on me!)  But I never actually do it.

 I did join a Textile Arts Guild in Austin back in October, thinking it would be a way to learn new things, but have been unable to remember to go to any of the meetings thus far, which makes me think that perhaps this was not such a bully idea. (Past experience tells me that if I don’t actually remember something is happening  - like a once a month meeting - I actually have no interest in it.)  So I’ll let that membership lapse, although I’m sure there was a lot I could’ve learned from the experience. 

I want to learn more, become better, truly I do.  And I know there are many people out there from whom I can learn a great deal.  But still, I seem to resist.  I wonder why…

First, I must say that it’s not as though I have any trouble coming up with projects even in my state of ignoramus-ness.  I’m full of ideas, in fact.  There are several sketches, notes, lists of ideas, etc. waiting to be turned into reality in my studio right at this moment.  And many of them, as I have pointed out before, are more than a bit ambitious.  I definitely learn as I go on many of my projects, which may mean that I am wasting time inventing a technique that is already in service – hmm - doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?

On the flip side, in this world of instant info, there is so very much out there to learn, see, and know – the danger of becoming overwhelmed with intentions and actually not doing anything is a very real one, at least for me.  In a Willy Wonka world with too many choices and where everything looks fun and delicious, I want to try it all…but I simply cannot.  I guess one way of not flat-lining is to just not know about it – that way I won’t feel like I’m missing something.   

There’s another reason, too, for my lack of expert knowledge, if I’m to be completely honest (and of course, I must).   I have to admit that while I love to go to the quilt festival and be inspired by the beauty and innovation I see there, I like to try to come up with stuff on my own – to not be too influenced by new trends, but to just let my ideas bubble up organically, with no “fad fertilizer.”  How cheeky!  “Who the hell do I think I am? “ I ask myself.  Well, it’s not exactly just arrogance – allow me to explain myself to me (and you.)

It’s not like I don’t realize that none of my ideas are inherently original;  I feel like my connection to life and other human beings precludes that, but if I’m not so “in the know,” then I can feel like they’re developing from a place of creativity inside me; from my consciousness  - which come to think of it, doesn’t really work for me either, because I believe my consciousness is connected to everyone else, anyway, in a way. 

“So,” you might say “what’s the difference?”  Well, as it turns out, for me -- that’s where a lot of my creative enjoyment is derived – coming up with a ridiculous or fantastic idea and finding some way to make it a reality.  Part of the pleasure I get is from actually not knowing what I’m doing!  Now, not having all the skills and the knowledge to make my dreams three dimensional might (and does) lead to disaster or failure at times, but I guess that’s just the way I like to do it -it’s part of the journey for me.   

However,  I’m still gonna make an attempt to be a little more informed – you never know when – or how – creativity might strike, and when it does, it does help a lot to have the skills to turn that creative idea into a living, breathing piece of art.  I’m going to look things up on the internet more, and try to stay more informed on techniques, etc – in small doses.  (I learned from Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka that too much of a good thing can indeed be bad.)   

Ahh -  suddenly (Satori!)  I realize that having skills and knowledge is not going to stop me from coming up with ideas  - in fact, often understanding leads to greater freedom  -  freedom to go wherever my little dinosaur brain can take me.  It’s not about waiting for the creative meteor to hit - it’s about the steps you take before it hits.  Then you’ll have somewhere to go afterwards. 

Well, like I said, it’s a journey…  

Bunches and Bunches...of Malarky

OMG – what load last week’s blog was.  Let me just tell you right now about that schedule I planned to assiduously adhere to last week:   It ain’t going to happen, folks!  (Those of you who know me well are possibly rolling around on the floor in hilarity right about now, aren’t you?  Well…you told me so!)  All I can say in my defense is that I actually was completely sincere at the time…

In fact, just looking at the list as I formed it made me feel itchy and irritable – I wanted to reach into the computer and wipe that smug list off its smug, flat face!  I started dreading getting up in the morning to face the list before I even put a single item on it!

But I did have an epiphany (yep, another one).  In the act of trying to be “a grown up,” I realized what I want to do at this moment is to give myself permission to  be free to do what I feel like doing at any given moment, not tie myself to some esoteric ideal of how I should be behaving.  It’s not as though I’m  NOT getting anything done, anyway – I feel I am taking better care of my family and my life than I ever have done before and I’m full of ideas and joy, so really, what more is there?  I just thought that maybe I could fit more “creative” time in, but really, it’s just a matter of choice.  I can find the time if I want to, or I can waste time on things that don’t really matter to me.  It’s that simple. 

Now then, it wasn’t a total wasted idea, making a list - it did help to look at what’s important to me on a daily basis.  I also ended up making a list of “BIG” To-do’s; things I want to accomplish in the Near…or Not-So-Near, future.  Also known as a “Someday maybe I might want to”, or “Someday I might absolutely have to do this or else” – you know, a long-range list. 

I’ll print it and put it on my kitchen bulletin board where I will, most likely, happily ignore it most of the time (as I do my calendar).  Then, every once in a while I’ll think ‘Hey, I think I actually feel like cleaning out the car today,’ or I might experience some such rare and out-of-character urge to organize my closet or to do some other equally dreary, but once accomplished task which leads to a shallow sense of accomplishment and even temporary enjoyment (temporary because it will soon be a mess again - but still worth it). 

This burst of "Type A" energy will come over me for no particular reason, as it occasionally does, and I will swiftly move to act on it so as to be able to actually cross an item off the list.   As I accomplish my big tasks I’ll possibly do a little tarantella or salsa dance of joy and then go back to complete disregard of it again for a long while. 

Naturally I realize I’ll have to add more to it at times - I’m no idealistic fool! ("HA!" again, huh?)   In fact, it shall henceforth be known as the “Neverending List of Things that Must Be Done at Some Point…Or Another.”

But for now it’s back to flying by the seat of my pants again for me, pretty much.  Hey …at least I’ll be flying! J

Down the Drain

It was bound to happen – writer’s block - of a sort.  Maybe I should call it “quilter’s block,” or “creative deficiency” instead, because I haven’t been producing anything lately…still have a number of ideas in the whirlpool of my brain, but I just can’t seem to get to my studio, to sit down for a chunk of time and DO – that includes writing.  It’s a vortex of torpitude, sucking me into oblivion – I want to get out, please…get the giant suction cup or something.

It’s not a lack of time – I actually have more time at the moment than I have ever had in my life, working part-time.  I think it’s really a matter of having too many things I want to do or having my fingers in too many pots.  It’s completely amazing how quickly the day goes by. 

 Let’s take today, for example: I started my day working on spirituality -  reading, meditating and/or praying at 5:45.  At 6:15 I made my coffee, gathered my son’s lunch and woke him up and then took him to school.  When I got back I opened my computer intending to write but discovered it had been hacked!  So I spent a couple of hours cleaning it up and changing passwords, etc. (Okay, yes, some time was spent cursing, too.)  After which I have to spend time picking up the house, doing laundry, running errands, etc.  By then it was around 11:00 – time for exercise.  After that, work in the yard.  (Yes I know it is January, but the weather is mild and there are so many weeds coming up in the yard it’s frightening – if I don’t start getting rid of them now by spring the entire fenced area will be a carpet of annoying, prickly invaders!)  Next, I desperately needed to get some financial work done for the chicken farm, so that took a couple of hours…time to pick up the lad from school.  (In my case, this takes at least 50 minutes because we live out in the country). 

When we get home I’m grubby and want to take a bath – yes, a bath because sometimes I like to soak. (But more often than that I shower – much quicker, admittedly.) Time to get dinner going.   I usually spend time with my boys in the evening, which I don’t in any way lament, but after we eat and clean up I’m damned if it isn’t 7:30 or later already.  At this time all I have the energy for is to read, write, surf the net, (yes, I admit, I might just play some Angry Birds on occasion…) but I don’t necessarily have the vigor necessary to create. And I observe a strict bedtime of 10-10:30 because I cannot function without sleep – just the way I’m made, unfortunately.  (Once I saw this Martha Stewart interview where she said she realized at some point that she needed very little sleep and would create deep into the night – I have been jealous of her ever since.)   Anyway, the day is gone and I had no time to make or do anything!  And this actually has been a slow day!  But everything just takes so much...time!!

I’m not complaining – I love my life and feel incredibly lucky.  I just realize that even when one seems to have some time, it gets easily filled up.  There's so much I want to do, and so little time in the day!  I know we all suffer from this enthusiasm, too.

  So…

 In my usual “Can do, Problem-Solving" fashion, (or dream-like, fantasy state, some extremely negative people who know me well might say) I’m formulating a PLAN:  The thing to do, I’m thinking, is designate certain days for certain things.   Have a routine that includes time for creativity, family time, exercise, chores, work - notice these are in order of interest - even time with friends - all of it scheduled on a daily, weekly, maybe even monthly basis. 

Okay, it’s hardly an original idea -  remember the old rhyme that went Monday, Washday - Tuesday-(what?)-day,and so forth? (Can’t actually remember any other day except Monday...) The point is, if one is going to create, then one must set aside time to do it. 

So I’m going to write up a little schedule for myself.  I’m going to make a list of things that must be done on a regular basis and then things that should be done at some point soon, and then of course, the things I really want to be doing.  Then I’m going to start, naturally, with the things I want to do and schedule them and try to fit in everything else!

Just kidding – wish I could do that, but I’ll be practical and prioritize.  I’ll force myself to adhere to this schedule rigorously for an entire month and report back on my progress and thoughts.  I can be disciplined, really I can - I just prefer to fly by the seat of my pants.  But that leads to well, refer to the top of the page, so I’ll just shut up and go make a schedule - time is flying, you know. 

Back in the Saddle?

            Finally!  I’m jumping back onto the writing and quilting bandwagon.  It’s been a very busy fall, and I just haven’t been able to get to either - too busy working .   (Hate it when being a grown-up interferes with my life.) 

           Naturally, now that things are starting to calm down, I’m looking around at my studio and I’ve realized that at the moment I have little desire to finish my current  work-in-progress, which has been patiently and quietly hanging on the wall, just waiting for me to come and help it fulfill its wall-hanging destiny.  I look at it and yeah, I still like it, and I want to finish it – oh, someday.    But I’d much rather start the new project that came into my head just yesterday.

            So I have this little drama going on inside my head. The practical (I’ll call it German) side of me thinks, “Now Carrie, you need to finish the one you started; you don’t want to have a bunch of unfinished projects, then you aren’t really accomplishing anything.  You can just finish this one and you’ll have something to look forward to starting after.  Just sit down and start working and you’ll get excited about it again…”  

 “Hmm,” I tell myself, “maybe I’m right.”    

            Suddenly in barges the other part of my brain (I’ll call it the ‘Not German’ or NG for short) .   “Oh come on, do what you feel like doing – art isn’t work, it’s art.  Go ahead and start the next project while you’re inspired!   You’ll finish the other one too, you know you will…eventually.   But look, you need something that will get you back into the creative groove, something  right now – this isn’t about being practical, this is about carpe diem!” 

“Hmm,” I think to myself, “I might have a point there, too.” 

            I hate it when that happens.  The battle between art and practical rages inside me all the time.   I’ve never been able to give in fully to either side.  I would actually love to just do what I feel like doing and not worry about it, but there’s that horrible super-ego that has a really large mouth that always has to have its say.  Whom do I listen to?  Who is right?  It’s quite a battle going on in my brain, and it happens often.   

            Suddenly I’ve had it.  “Stuff a cork in it, me!  Stop acting like this is some momentous decision and DO SOMETHING! “  I yell into my head.   Calmer, I make my decision, realizing that it doesn't really matter one way or another what I do, not only in this particular instance, but perhaps ever.  Aaah - that puts it all into perspective, doesn't it?   

            The choice is, of course, obvious to anyone who likes to create.  I’ll start the new one.   (To be honest, I already spent a few hours on the design yesterday, but feeling a little guilty when I glanced at the forlorn and unfinished project on the wall, I didn’t make any cuts yet – does it count if I haven’t actually actually started yet? ) 

            Anyway, to offset my guilt at being so undisciplined,  I will also confess that I also have no real idea how to put this new project together yet.  The sketch is great, but how I’m actually going to get it put together is another story…HA!  My practical side is now laughing in a rather undignified manner at my NG side.  Guess that’s what I exactly what I deserve for constantly talking to and then listening to my - selves.   

So, my thoughts/feelings on the Houston quilt show - finally.  I loved it, as always.  Every year I am excited, inspired, amazed, and I learn so very much.  It's easy to be a critic, I suppose, but I can hardly find anything at that show that I don't think is amazing (guess I'm still easily amused, as one of my college friends put it) Although at one point, I did overhear a comment that someone was "disappointed" in the winners - huh?  Is that possible?  How could one not be totally bowled over at the dedication, creativity, and amazing detailed work that went into those quilts, even if it isn't exactly something one might do oneself.  I don't get that comment at all.  I will say that I was annoyed at some of the quilts that somehow did NOT win a prize - hard to understand.  I guess there's no accounting for judging!

 I am going to share some of the amazing quilts I saw here and make some comments.  Many of them don't translate to pictures quite as well as they should, but here goes:

Quilt, Interrupted

       I apologize for being so intermittant lately where this blog is concerned, but I am currently suffering from “quiltis interruptus.”  Since attending the quilt show in Houston and being inspired by many new and exciting ideas,  I have, sadly, not had time to work on, think about, or deal with anything remotely having to do with art. 

       And yes, it is making me crabby.  But what’s a girl/wife/mother/chicken farmer/working gal to do? 
        I keep waiting for things to settle down so I can set a schedule to work on my art, but there is no end in sight – hell, now it’s the holiday season, and we all know that means we have to decorate, shop, bake, clean, plan, wrap, socialize (all of which are fun, but they do take time). 
        I have the evenings free most of the time, but I admit that I seem to be picking up the daylight savings-time blahs – I’m really tired at night - lately all I seem to have energy for in the evenings are sedentary pursuits; if I’m lucky and it’s not past 8:30 when I sit down, I might be able to read, watch television, or search the internet without falling asleep, but even doing a crossword puzzle can be too taxing for my brain – last night I drifted off on 22 across!   So anything requiring concentration, patience, and/or problem-solving is definitely out.    

       I know I’m not the only one who suffers from this disease.  We all have things we want to work on that we simply cannot get to at times – it’s called LAAG (Life As a Grown-Up).   And sometimes, let's face it, it sucks.  As my friend Karen put it the other day “I find it can be quite boring at times to be an adult.  In fact, Peter Pan is my idol.”  

         If only my mother hadn’t taught me to be so damned responsible ! (Yes, once again it’s all her fault - she haunts me even from the grave - it's her voice I hear in my head telling me "Do the right thing...take care of your responsibilities...no one ever said it was going to be easy.)  It's enough to make me want to fly away to Neverland myself sometimes!

     Well Tinkerbell, it’s okay if we can’t fit it all in right now.  I know I’ll find the time and energy to get back to art soon.  How do I know this?  Because it’s an important part of my life and as such, I will make it happen.  It’s almost a matter of commitment and discipline - even if at first I have to drag myself kicking and screaming up the stairs and chain myself to the leg of my work table, I know that once I get back to work, the energy and ideas with be there.  I think we all go through periods where we have less creative motivation and/or time, but that doesn’t mean we don’t care, it just means we have other things that are more pressing.

        Soon, when the desire to create overcomes my lassitude, I will get up and get busy again.  Until then, keep tuning in – writing is a pretty sedentary activity, too…although right now I do feel a nap coming on…