Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Back at It

So I haven't posted all summer. Obviously.  Believe me, I haven't run out of things to say.  As if that were possible - there are far too many angles to creativity, not to mention my brain just never shuts up...nor, those who know me well might be thinking, do I. 
Once this was so, but it's no longer true, actually.  I have learned in the past year to ignore my shouting brain a great deal, and just be present.  It takes practice and discipline for me to do this, and I don't always succeed, but what a difference it's made in me and in my life - all good. 
Furthermore, what's interesting is the result: A marathon of ideas and creating.  I haven't been writing, but believe me, I've been busy.  It's quite distracting, really, the way I'm being constantly bombarded with ideas - I shut my eyes to go to sleep and pop, INCOMING!  I'm staring at a bunch of fabric which I would never normally be attracted to (almost finished with that one)...one night I stayed up half the night sketching half a dozen ideas that simply would not let me rest until I got them on paper, then went to my studio and picked out the fabric.   While waiting in a two-hour line with my son to get his learner's permit (Yikes!) I simply allowed the moment(s) to be. Suddenly into my head popped a design for a quilt. It was so powerful that I had to run outside to the 100+ degree car and sketch it immediately.
It's rather lovely, really, although I do find that I need to learn some moderation.  I now have a super long idea list. (Yeah, I make lists of future projects - what about it?!)  But the moderation part is difficult.  I was actually not excited to go on vacation this summer because I knew I wouldn't be able to create for a few weeks  (I got over it, but still -that's SICK!)   And when my son was away at band camp a week or so ago, I literally created all day every day - I mean sixteen, eighteen hour days, and I only stopped when I was cross-eyed from fatigue.   
I really don't want to stop working - it's so odd, really.  I mean, I love my family, and I do need desperately to clean my windows and yes, there are crunchy things under my feet when I walk around the house, not to mention the sever layers of dust in/on my car...(heavy sigh)how tedious.
It makes me wonder why.  Why am I so driven by this need to be constantly creating?  Why is this urge so strong that I literally resent having to go to the bathroom?  Surely it simply cannot sustain itself at this level.  (I'm not altogether sure I want it to, anyway - my house might be condemned, not to mention I might lose my job...my family...all my friends...)  The irony is that it isn't at all a practical thing upon which to spend so much time and energy - I mean, by no means is there any assured return on my investment of time, but on the other hand -  it makes me feel so alive, so excited, so free.   Just thinking about it makes me want to go upstairs and get to work... 
I've tried to make myself a schedule, and I do force myself to drive to town and pick my son up from band practice (So demanding!), and I'm still fixing meals (occasionally) and doing laundry (half-assedly). I'm even planning a last summer fling for my family to float down the river this week, but beneath it all I still hear the siren call of my studio, my ideas, and my art, beckoning.  
I'm just going with it for the moment, allowing it to be what it is - a glorious cacophony of inventiveness and productivity.  And I do think in time it will even itself out, because after all I do have a practical, mature, realistic side, and I'm not entirely selfish and self-centered (I think).  But I must say, I do understand Jackson Pollack a lot better now. 

Here are some of the fruits of my summer labor:


Color Block II

Dreaming in African II



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