The Irony of Giving...

Four years ago May, my excellent mother died, bequeathing me all her quilting paraphernalia, her copious amounts of fabric, and her sewing machines.  It quadrupled my fabric collection (at least), not to mention all the gadgets, doodads and whatnots she had.   To be honest, the amount of stuff she gave me was overwhelming, and I wrote about it at the time (see my post from 7/13/11 -  When is Too Much Not Enough).   

The year after my mother's death was the most challenging time of my life for many reasons, and it helped enormously to throw myself into creating.  It was as though in leaving me all that stuff, Mother knew I would need it to get through that period, and I did.  And I feel I did it justice, too. In the summer following her death I made at least six quilts.  In the years since - too many to try to count, really.  And a lot of it was using her stuff.  Especially her fabric, which I believe I have mostly used up, although if I were to guess I would say at least a fourth of my current fabric collection was still hers  

Recently I decided to take stock of my stockpile and pass some of my incredible good fortune along to my sister Erika.  Now you're probably thinking, why didn't Erika get some of this sewing stuff when our Mother died?  Why did Carrie get it all?  It's no scandal (sorry to disappoint ;).  I actually have two sisters and a brother, but at the time I was the only quilter in the family besides Mother, which is why it all came to me. However, recently Erika, a stay-at-home mother of four children and whose youngest went off to kindergarten this year, expressed an interest in learning to quilt.  She figures she has a little time, so I figured I could get her started with some of Mother's stuff.   

Now let me say, Erika is truly gifted; she constantly amazes me with her ideas and creations, and I am fully admitting right now that I had to fight a little feeling of competitiveness when I was gathering things to give her.  I knew she would be good at it and to be completely honest, a little devil thought popped into my head that she might be better and more successful at it than I (I'm not proud of it, but what can I say, I'm human). Luckily I was able to recognize that niggling negative for what it was (just a thought) and I dismissed it summarily because I know that there's enough to go around and it is NOT a competition. Plus, I love my sister and so did my mom and she would definitely want me to share the wealth with my siblings if they wanted it. So last week we went through all the stuff and she took what she wanted, and I was happy to share with her. 

And am I glad I did -  I mean WOW!  Today I went over to Erika's house to see what she was working on and I was blown away!  Her very first quilt is already showing her incredible talent. I can't say I was surprised, entirely, because I know how gifted she is, but still, I left her house in tears.  What a profound joy it was for me to see her success in creating - I can't believe how amazing it felt.  I won't say I felt proud, because pride implies that I had something to do with it.  I just felt such a deep peace and a sense of connectedness...and excitement - it's gonna be fantastic fun to share this creating with my sister.  It's one of the best feelings there is, really.  Talk about gifted - I'm the one who got the gift.

And as I got into my car to head home, I knew too that our Mother was somewhere out there nodding her head, smiling her beautiful smile, and feeling the same thing, too.   

Here is a photo of my sister's first quilt:  

Give us This Day Our Daily Walk...

It's been a while since I've written a "real" blog entry; I've been so busy, but I want to share something I heard recently on NPR.  On the program, there was a brilliant poet named Arandatti (not sure of the spelling), an anthropologist from Belgium, and a neurologist who studies creativity (I'm sorry I can't remember his name!) and they were having a lively and interesting discussion about different aspects of creativity and the brain and such which I thoroughly enjoyed, but at one point in the program, the neurologist got a chance to speak for one minute on how he would change the world. He said that if he could change the world, he would make taking a daily walk mandatory for everyone - and not just for the health benefits. 

It turns out that walking enhances creativity as well.  Apparently our mind/brain wanders freely when we walk, and often it takes us places and makes connections that we might not have made without the walking and it helps us think more creatively in general!  Not only is is kind of cool in itself - but oddly enough, just two days before I had made a promise to myself to do just this!  Coincidence?  I think not.  I know it was the universe talking to me and for once, I heard it loud and clearly!

Allow me to elaborate.  I live on a ranch in Central Texas.  We have some interesting winter weather here. I say interesting; in fact the winters are generally highly entertaining here - one never knows what one is going to get.  But some years seem more extreme than others. This year is one of them. 

Anyway, after several pretty wet and bone-chilling days, we had some amazingly beautiful weather last week - clear, sunny skies, temperatures in the high 70's...so I decided to take advantage of it and go for a walk, just to feel the sun on my skin.  At one point during my walk, I thought to myself, 'I live in such a gorgeous place - why don't I take a walk every day?  I must be nuts not to take advantage of these amazing surroundings more.  I need to enjoy this place - otherwise why live here?'  So I resolved to take a daily walk no matter what crazy weather we have, even if it's just for fifteen minutes. This walk would be in addition to any exercising I do, not in place of exercise, although the two can be combined. So the pace doesn't have to be fast; in fact, it can be downright slow and contemplative - whatever seems right in the moment.  

Then I heard this NPR show and it was an Oprah "AHA!" - meant to be.  

Taking a daily walk sounds like a no-brainer, right?  But here's the thing about these walks that might turn some people off.  According to the neurosurgeon, there are some parameters.  You see, you aren't allowed to take a phone or an ipod or any device with you on your walk. It's just you, your feet, and the great outdoors.  Otherwise you won't be freethinking or mind wandering or whatever he called it and you won't get the same effects. (He didn't get into whether one has to be in nature or if it works in the middle of the city, but I'm guessing it doesn't matter where, but nature is probably preferable is possible - fewer distractions...don't know for certain though.) 

Being without a device is definitely not a problem for me, as I had already decided not to take phone or music with me anyway because I didn't want to be distracted.  And - as my friends will undoubtedly point out, I'm not all that plugged in anyway - I usually can't get to my phone when someone is calling because I'm upstairs working and I've forgotten to bring my phone with me, or vice versa, or I forget to charge it...a rather hopeless case, I'm afraid. (Although I do get back to them when they leave messages, and I answer texts and emails all the time. I DO!)

To some, it might be a deal-breaker to be unplugged for any amount of time, but I'm so IN! I love anything that has so many benefits - Vitamin D, alone time, exercise and movement, enjoyment of the outdoors AND a creativity boost -  I think it's a wonderfully fabulous idea.

 I wonder if the neurosurgeon guy thought of it while he was on a walk?

Does It Really Matter THAT Much?

Just realized I haven't written in a couple of weeks - been too busy working on projects and doing other stuff - you know, life.  I've also been struggling a little with a dilemma; it's rather a good problem to have, but still, there's a decision required at some point soon... and I just haven't been able to make a choice.

Here's the issue: I decided to enter a fabric challenge for Quiltcon 2015, and I have too many ideas!  What I mean is, (and it's a little difficult to admit to this) I'm sort of caught up in the "Which one is most likely to be chosen for the show?" thing.  I've already made one piece and am working on a second, and I even have a third idea I like, but that seems like overkill, doesn't it?   

I don't think it is so good to be fussing over this decision - it's giving it too much importance and focusing too much on the outcome rather than the doing.  In fact, as I write I'm getting the little niggling reminder in my head that nothing matters that much, and I should just make whatever comes to mind and whatever I have time for, and go with my gut and definitely not create with those thoughts in my mind.  In fact, I should be thrilled to have such a boatload of inspiration - it shouldn't be turned into a problem!    (Thanks for that little insight, universe - dilemma dissolved!  Another reason I love writing this blog, I almost always end up with some little kernel of wisdom that has been eluding me.)

This is, apparently, an eternal lesson for me - I definitely enjoy the entire process of creating but near the end of a project I tend to make more stupid mistakes (which makes me irritable) because I'm so anxious to see the finished product.  For example, yesterday I was sewing the binding on a piece and I was so excited to see what it looked like I did a terrible job and ended up having to resew practically the entire thing!   With that in mind I've recently made a little rule for myself that if I am getting crabby I have to walk away because I don't want negative energy to flow into my work - only positive, happy me can work in the studio. It might seem a little woo woo (to quote Carrie Bloomston), but I have seen how one person's negative energy can affect an entire room full of people, and I really want my art to bring joy and pleasure to people.  I think that anger, frustration, and anxiety can literally be transferred to the finished product if the creator is in a bad space.  And I know I don't want anything with that kind of bad juju hanging on the walls of my house or covering my bed - sounds a bit ominous, doesn't it?  

So when I feel this annoyance coming on I start with the self talk: "Okay, Carrie, if you can't enjoy this, just stop right now and go do something else," or "Is it really important to finish this right now?"  or "STOP! NOW."  If that doesn't work, I leave and come back later.  That's what I did yesterday with the binding - I made myself stop even though I really didn't want to, and I came back later and did it calmly and with joy and it was fun and I am really pleased with the outcome.  

Here's what I am thinking: Since creativity is basically a gift, it shouldn't be forced or have too much stress associated with it. That's not to say there are deadlines or other people to please, but they shouldn't cause anxiety and negativity.  Challenges are a part of life, period. They are never going to go away, no matter how good we have it.   It's the attitude with which we approach them - acceptance, calm, even the joy of being alive and having the problem - that's what matters.  I guess I just needed a little reminder of that. 

A Gift From a Friend

This week I am in Kansas City visiting my cousin Hoddy.  It's been a great trip for many reasons, one being that my best friend since kindergarten also happens to live here, so I've been able to have fun with both of them although I admitted to them that I felt a little torn between two lovers, wanting to see both of them as much as possible - what a nice dilemma to have!   But the main reason I came at this time was to visit Hoddy and her family.

Hoddy is fifteen years younger than I, and grew up in San Francisco, CA.  I moved to the Bay area when she was eight, and she and her family are very special to me as they were very much supportive and loving during a time when I literally had no friends or money or idea of what the heck I was doing out in the world.  Over six feet tall, smart, fun and beautiful, Hoddy is a powerhouse of positive energy.  When I first moved to California, she spend a lot of time turning cartwheels in the living room of her flat and perfecting her considerable dance moves.  She then went on to play volleyball at William and Mary, attend law school, marry her college sweetheart, land a job at a top law firm in SF, have three children, and then move to Kansas and start two businesses (the BAR Method exercise studios - look it up, it's fabulous) here in Kansas.  In the space of three years, her businesses are not only successful, they are a lovely gathering place with an upbeat, energetic and caring atmosphere where (I can tell) true friendships and bonds are being formed.  That's because the Bar Method is her bliss - and it shows!  Not only does she give it her love, attention, and energy, she gets so much out of it as well.

And at the moment, Hoddy really needs every ounce of energy she can get, because she is using up a lot of her enormous well of it to battle cancer.  She was diagnosed with Stage IV lymphoma in February.   I came to Kansas to visit, give moral support, and help Hoddy, but I feel I've come away with far more than I have given and I want to share some of the things I've learned from my fabulous cousin.  She is attacking the evil disease on every possible front and I for one, really believe there is no possible chance it has against her aggressive and really, quite creative methods of fighting it.

First of all, she is taking the conventional approach.  She has just finished her sixth (and I believe her last) round of chemo.   I look at her and I am frankly, amazed at that fact.  I mean,  I know she has been through chemo because I sat with her through her last appointment, but she sure doesn't look or act like anyone I've ever seen on chemo.  Her color is great, her energy (while it is lower than she likes and is frustrating to her) is far higher than plenty of people who have never even taken chemo, and yes, she may be bald, but she's still lovely.

And I think I know why.  You see, when Hoddy found out she had serious cancer, she began to research.  The first area she looked into was food  She doesn't eat any inflammatory foods (such as dairy).  She does eat a lot of alkaline foods like kim chee and sauerkraut and she takes a spoonful of apple cider vinegar a couple of days a week.  She also eats no, absolutely no sugar (because cancer likes sugar).  She drinks green tea, she takes oil of cannabis, she eats a ton of antioxidant rich foods, and she is 100 percent organic (although she was already mostly organic for the last few years before the diagnosis, I must admit).  She also takes herbs that really help her with her blood counts, and drinks a ton of water (some of it infused with chlorophyll and lemon for their alkalizing properties).  She also fasts for 24 hours before and the entire day of her chemos, because the rate of absorption of the medicines is much higher when the cancer cells are hungry.  (When people ask her how she can do that, she says "I'm highly motivated.")

The next thing she does is acupuncture.  Not just for the effects of the chemo, but also to help her body be strong and fight the disease.  She does an infrared sauna a few days a week.   She works out and takes walks, even when she is tired, because it makes her feel better.  She spends time with her children - yesterday she took them swimming after school and she gets up early every morning so she and her husband get them a good healthy breakfast and a good start to their day.  In other words, she lives her daily life as much as she possibly can.

Hoddy does rest of course; she has to let the chemo do the work. But let's face it, chemotherapy is hardly therapeutic - it's entire purpose is to poison a person within a hairsbreadth of their life - she has to rest whether she wants to or not.  So sometimes she rests.

Another front she does battle on is addressing the emotional issues associated with being diagnosed with cancer at age thirty-three.  She sees a therapist, she meditates, she's just started going to an energy worker (similar to acupuncture but a little more spiritual).  When she's feeling down, she'll get a facial or a massage or pedicure - something that makes her feel relaxed.  She spends time with her friends when she can, and she lets them help her - something that is not easy for her to do, but she knows she would want to do the same for them and she knows she needs them right now.  She's scared, no doubt, but she is trying really hard to live in the moment, to do what she can do and let go of the rest.  It's possibly the hardest of all the battles, accepting that this is real and dealing with the unknowns, but Hoddy is valiantly staying the course, communicating, asking and receiving.

As I've said, I'd be hard-pressed to imagine anyone who is fighting harder or doing more to beat cancer than Hoddy.  And her energy and moxie and her creative, eclectic approach to this disease is inspiring to me in countless ways.  She is the epitome of giving life one's all.  I hope with all my being that I have been able to give her some comfort and love and joy on this trip but this I know: I will go home forever changed and inspired by what my brave and beautiful cousin has given me.

  So -  thanks from every part of my being for being, Hoddy Potter.  And Namaste, baby.  Namaste.

To Be or To Do - That is the Question!

So I spent a few days doing exactly what I felt like doing, and may I say it was fabulous?  It was, really.  I ate or I didn’t eat, depending on whether I was hungry.  I read a book if I felt like it, I finished a quilt, I meditated…I also cleaned my car, inside and out (the weather was nice and I like it clean), I weeded the garden, cleaned the house from top to bottom, I took some stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of to the Salvation Army, I wrote a little, watched a movie, took a few naps, exercised, and had a girls’ night with my friends (which was wicked fun!).  I sat on the front porch thinking and watching the grass grow, I played on the computer…All in all, I simply enjoyed myself being responsible for only me.  Now I’m ready to get back to real life.  Because while it is nice to take some time to just be, having responsibilities isn’t so bad, either.

 In fact, I am suddenly thinking that it’s doing all the things that need doing in life that helps me be creative.  The more I’m challenged by life, the more I’m exposed to other people and their thoughts, the more I see when I’m out and about, the more I do for others, the more inspired I get.  I’ve always felt my ideas don’t always just come directly through me – often they are sparked by something I see, hear or experience while I’m being productive, or other people’s ideas spark a new idea in me, or I build on something I’ve seen or heard. 

When I was teaching I was willing to try anyone’s idea if it worked for them, and I freely shared my stuff, too.  I love bouncing ideas off of other people, looking at other people’s creations to spark my own – not necessarily to copy them exactly; sometimes their ideas lead me in the direction of something I’m excited about.   

We’re all connected in a sort of collective way, even though we might not realize it.  I’ve noticed often that I might have a design thought and I might even make the thing, and then I find out someone else has the same or a very similar idea (usually there’s a much easier way to do it than the way I figured out).  Some people find that idea threatening, but I think it’s beautiful - and it’s okay, really.  I can’t get too fussed about being completely “original.”  I’m just happy that I get lots of ideas that I can’t wait to create. To me, creativity is a gift, and I am grateful for it.  I’m not worried that someone else is creative, too.  There’s plenty of creativity to go around, and many, many different forms of it, too.

Sure, creativity does just happen sometimes, but I don’t think it ever occurs in a vacuum.  We may not be able to directly attribute a new idea to anything consciously, but it comes from the connectedness and continuity of life, an openness to new and different ideas, and it leads to more new and innovative stuff  - wave after wave of creativity, all welling up from the same abundantly creative ocean that we all swim in.  It may show up completely differently in most of us, but it is the same soup, of that I’m certain. 

Getting back to my original point, after just being for a while, I find that I am more of an action-type person – I like to be pretty busy most of the time, and it seems when I’m active and interacting with others is when I find the most inspiration and ideas.   I also see the value of just being, on a regular basis – sitting, contemplating, meditating – those things help me get centered, calm me, keep me open, help me remain present.      It’s a balance.  For me, my fulcrum is more towards the “doing” side, but I now find that without the equalizer of just being, I can’t necessarily remember to enjoy the doing. 

 I’d be interested to hear from you if you find you need more of one than the other, and where you find your inspiration.   

WIP Report

So I finished and shipped the charity quilt, Down the Red Steps.  I did a little less quilting on it  and used a little thicker batting, and it resembles a comforter, a little.  I’m pleased with it, and I hope it makes some little boy very happy and warm!

I also finished the “Happy Quilt” and it makes me happy.  I hope it will make others feel that sunshine-y spring sky the way it does me.  

 I really love it, and it looks so simple but graphic.  I learned a lot from it, as i always do. 

A Little Bit of Nothing

Generally I’m a pretty active person.  I have many things to do and I enjoy the challenge of doing them.  For the last couple of days, however, I’ve been having a problem with motivation – or lack thereof.  Blame it on my knee that’s been bothering me, blame it on the recent discovery that my darling cousin is fighting Stage IV cancer, blame it on hormones - whatever, but there it is!   I feel all of a sudden, as though I’m having to force myself to do things:  exercise, clean out my filthy car, or the refrigerators, or my house (usually I enjoy doing such things, believe it or not – I sort of use them as a spiritual practice – to enjoy whatever it is that needs to be done at the moment, even if it’s spending three hours vacuuming out the car – it is a pleasant feeling of accomplishment and a helluva(n) arm workout!) But I don’t feel like doing right now. 

 I don’t want to just sit and vegetate though, not at all – nope, instead I’m thinking back to my youth when spending an entire afternoon reading a book somehow didn’t seem like a waste of time at all.  What I really feel like doing is being; I want to meditate, pray, read – books and blogs and poems,  I want to write- in my journals, on my blog, on my stories, and of course, I want to create (okay, that’s doing, but it’s also a little like breathing for me – can’t not do it!)

 Of course I’ve got a long list of to-do’s but I don’t feel like striking the iron, so to speak.  Maybe the summer heat has made me indolent, I don’t know.  But for the first time ever in my adult life, I think I might be in a unique position to give in to it.  I’m on my own for a few days – my husband and son are in California, and so I’m going to experiment, and just do only exactly what I feel like doing, whatever that is at the moment.   I realize it is a huge luxury, but I’m calling it a Soul Time.  So what if the house needs cleaning, so what if I have errands to do, phone calls to make, etc. – they can wait a couple of days, none of them is particularly urgent.  I’m going to do the some of the quiet things that I often put on the back burner until I’ve fulfilled all my other responsibilities (which rarely happens, of course!) 

I’m thinking this is a fine idea -  that allowing myself this time to sort of catch up on quiet time will allow me to go back into my regular life with renewed purpose, vigor, and joy.  I also think it will lead to more and new inspirations, as being quiet often does.   Who knows, if it works out, I may plan on doing it on a regular basis – once every so often just giving myself a day to do – nothing in particular.  Sounds pretty dreamy but also it reminds me of the Sirens in Odysseus  – don’t want to get lost in a vortex of not doing for too long!   I’ll let you know how it all works out, of course.  Just – if you don’t hear from me in a few days, send someone in after me, okay.

                                                                  WIP UPDATE:

 Been working on a quilt for charity – it’s the first patten quilt I’ve done in quite some time – lots of little squares!  But I finally got the top finished and am on to backing and quilting.  I admit I had to bring myself to presence several times; I found it a tiny bit irksome because it has been rather time-consuming – especially in my quest for perfection.  It’s been a good practice to remind myself that I want to infuse everything I do with joy, especially something like this which is going to someone who needs it, and I wanted it to be special enough to show the recipient how important he is (it’s a boy quilt).   Anyway, here’s a picture –

I'm calling it "Down the Red Steps."  It's a simple split rail pattern, but I still like to think up fun names as pieces are developing.  I’m pretty pumped because I really have gotten so much from these fabrics – and one purchase!  This is the third piece I’ve completed using this collection – I am so glad I bought it!  It’s a really inspiring line,  I must say – if I had any more of it – I might come up with some more ideas!  So kudos to Carrie Bloomston  for a job well done – I know she’s designed more fabrics for Windham – can’t wait to check them out! 

Life is Beautiful

Beauty.

It’s in the eye of the beholder, right?  In other words, there is a basic loveliness in everything, you just have to see it.  It’s in a cracked bowl, a fallen leaf, even in a fencepost or a smelly chicken coop.  It’s in the air that we breathe!  Culturally our concepts of beauty are often quite narrow, and I think that’s what causes a lot of problems in our world – we’re only seeing a minute particle  of the multitude of beauty that truly exists.

There’s a beautiful thought, given to me by my teacher (although it’s common scientific knowledge, but until one truly realizes the magnitude of it, it’s just a fact) that gives me chills and makes my insides smile every time I think it.  Here is my personal happy thought:

 I am billions of years old.

Why, you might ask, does this thought make me so happy (especially considering the fact that I spend hundreds of dollars on wrinkle cream on a regular basis)?  It makes me happy because what it really means is that we’re all deeply connected.  Every single atom that makes up the earth - you, me, the air, the soil, the lamp in your living room, the bug you squashed with your shoe yesterday, the art in the Sistene Chapel, everything, be it alive or not- has been present since the earth began.  Everything is just a bunch of atoms (or smaller particles, but the matter doesn’t really matter) rearranging themselves in different patterns, over and over again. 

So we’re all billions of years old!    

And right now, we’re all (those of us reading this blog, that is) human beings, and something gave us the ability to be conscious.  We have a special ability to recognize consciousness in ourselves and in each other, and to see all the vast ways we are connected to each other and to the universe.  We get to experience the universe as sentient beings – lucky us! 

This isn’t to say that we’re all arranged the same – clearly there’s an infinity of arrangements; my guess is that we as a species have only personally experienced a fraction of a fraction of them.  But numbers aren’t the point.  The point is that we’re here now, in this current form, experiencing the universe as we are and even in our puny, miniscule way (compared to say, galaxies and stars forming), we’re able to manipulate this matter into an astounding number of permutations – to create on a material level all the truly astounding things we have created since we first experienced consciousness.  How cool is that?

"Lovely thoughts, Carrie," you may be thinking, "but what does it have to do with art - isn't this a blog about creativity?"  

Yes indeed.

 So creativity abounds – it’s inherent in everything – it’s in a line of ants dragging leaves down to its tunnel, it’s in a row of numbers that line up perfectly to balance a budget, it’s in a well-turned phrase, a light switch, it’s even in a rock sitting there, supposedly doing absolutely nothing (but its atoms are constantly in motion!) All we, the “artists”  have to do is open ourselves to it, tap into it, and see what comes pouring out.

And knowing this gives us ultimate freedom of creation.  To me, it seems like the more we realize that, the more beauty we can create of ourselves and the world around us. 

And it’s all just temporary, so while the creation is enjoyable and even maybe brings joy to someone else, ultimately it’s not something we have to take too seriously.  It’s not who we are, it’s just a reflection of the glorious creativity that is – well, EVERYWHERE!  Because some day all this stuff we’ve created (and us, too) will all be arranged into some-things - completely different - a hyena, a cloud, a wing of a butterfly, or even a pile of poo (which while it stinks, has a life force, and yes, in a cosmic sense, beauty of its own.)  

So go ahead and see the loveliness that is.  Appreciate the wonderous variety of ways that atoms can arrange themselves in people, places and things.   And create - whatever it is you create – and relax in the knowledge that it is all – so -

Beautiful.

Original Thoughts?

Damn that Julie Powell -she stole my idea!  A few years ago I was in the kitchen cooking with my Julia Child cookbook called The Way to Cook.  It’s one of my favorites – a go-to cookbook that I got as a wedding present.  Everything I’ve ever made from the cookbook has been a little scary, but absolute perfection, as long as I followed the directions to the letter (one simply does NOT take shortcuts with Julia Child’s recipes!)  Julia is quite sure of herself as a cook, (as evidenced by the title) and the recipes are somewhat intimidating; still I love to use it - whenever I’m feeling quite confident of my culinary skills, that is.

Anyway, as I was cooking, I had this terrific idea for a book.  The title of the book was going to be Channeling Julia and it was going to chronicle my attempts to become a cook of Julia Child’s caliber by making all the recipes in her book, inserting hilarious anecdotes and witty comments in appropriate measure and to delightful effect (kind of like the book Julie and Julia - you know it?!)  This is the absolute truth - it was MY idea.  Just ask my husband (who still stolidly insists that I can write my book if I want to…sure I can, but why would I?)   In fact, until the movie came out, I had never actually heard of Julie Powell’s book or blog! (I guess I live under a rock or something!)   But I didn’t get to write my clever book because Julie Powell stole the idea and wrote her clever book and even made a movie out of it first -  DAMMIT!  (FYI - I know she didn’t really steal the idea  -  I’m just illustrating my point with this very true story!)

Which brings me to said point, in case you haven’t already guessed it.  It’s not particularly profound, but I shall endeavor to put a new(ish) twist on it, although my attempt to do so sort of paradoxically cannot actually be done, if my point is, in fact, true – but not to be too obnoxious about it, here it goes:  There are no original ideas.  How can there be?  Humans have been around for at least a few million years, and during that time, we have actually done quite a bit of thinking and inventing.    I venture to say that back when people were evolving to our present form (which by no means is complete now) there was quite a bit of originality happening – there had to be – we were, like, BLANK SLATES!  I mean, the other day my husband was pondering, “Whoever thought of the idea of looking at a wheat field and thinking they could eat all those seeds up?  And then who thought of grinding them up to make a powder that they could add water to and make bread?”

 Well, honey, I have no idea – but as you correctly surmised, it happened a heck of a long time ago, back when people were figuring out how to continue as a species.  Shoot, our ancestors had to think HARD with those little brains of theirs to survive – they had to invent tools, figure out how to make fire, how to weave cloth – blah blah blah - the list goes on and on.  But since then, even though we’ve built civilizations and begun to create art for just for art’s sake (rather than as religious ritual or whatever the cavemen were trying to do) the fact is, pretty much everything that we think of (like my seriously clever idea for a book) has probably already been done in some form, or at least thought of before.  And now there are so many people on the planet, it’s hard to conceive of a truly unique, original idea being possible.   Basically, we’re just building on – well, the basics.

So what?   I don’t care necessarily if I’m the first to come up with an idea or a technique.  In fact, I’m sure I’ve yet to do it, and I don’t really strive to, anyway.   The way I see it, we forge stronger bonds of connection to other people when we use the creativity they have tapped into to do something that’s new, at least, to us.  And while it may not be something entirely original in a universal sense, whatever I’ve made has been made by me and therefore has some part of me in it, (possibly manifesting as some sort of flaw, but whatever) and therefore is in some way, different enough.

  Plus it’s a lot of pressure, trying to come up with something new when everything’s already been done before.  I’m not saying that people aren’t still coming up with fresh new ways to use old ideas, or that we aren’t extremely innovative and resourceful as a species, because clearly the iPad belies that!   (Not to forget the internet – how did we live before the internet?  It must have been some sort of half-life, at best.)   But really both of those inventions are just new twists on ways to communicate, which cave people did by drawing pictures, gesticulating, and grunting at each other – hey - it worked for them - mostly!  But then again, their lifestyle was completely different from ours. 

Anyway, I sometimes think we are striving too much to be different from each other – as if we only matter if we are noticed or stand out in some way.  (Witness the tendency of people to give their children names such as “Apple” or “Hiawatha!”)  To me, that kind of thinking is the kind of thinking that puts us at odds with each other, leading to an awful lot of unnecessary competition, fighting and destruction. 

In my experience, we are all pretty much the same underneath the different packaging and life situations.   It’s conceivable that much war and other problems could be avoided if we focused on that sameness, rather than our differences, which are really only on the surface.  Maybe we think we can somehow enhance our importance by coming up with something no one in the history of the universe has ever done before…good luck on that one!  I just don’t think we can raise our value above one another in any way – we all carry equal importance (or unimportance, depending on your viewpoint) where it really counts.  We just can’t see that when we are so separated by our perceived “uniqueness.”

  I don’t want to seem cynical about the originality thing, though - in fact I kind of find it comforting, because it means we aren’t in this alone.  All the ideas and innovations of our ancestors are still with us, albeit in different forms.   As we evolve, we just retool our creations and make them more complicated, but no matter how simple or complex or how much easier they make our lives, they do not change who we are, just how we exist.

Here’s a scientific fact:  Everything that is in the universe now has been in the universe since the universe began.  The atoms and molecules that make up our physical beings and everything we create or make are the very same atoms and molecules that have been on this earth for billions of years!  We truly carry everyone (and everything - even the dinosaurs!) who has ever come before us and who will come after us in our very beings! Wow – that is way cool!   But again, quite comforting, at least to me.   To me, it proves that we humans are far more than any idea we have or thing that we create –but I’ll leave you to your own conclusions on that one.

  So  - no, I don’t feel like I have to come up with something that’s totally original, or has never been seen or conceived of before.   Because whatever I do create is only temporarily in this form anyway, and as long as it brings me or anyone else pleasure in this moment, that’s enough – for now.