You Do the Math!

I wish I had paid more attention in my math classes.  I distinctly remember saying many times over in my high school  “I’m never going to use this stuff anyway – what a waste of my time!”  (Sorry for my shitty attitude, high school math teachers, for the record, I was SO wrong!)  What I don’t get is how I managed to make straight A’s in math at the time?!  Go figure!  (And yes, that pun was intended.) Now I really wish I could remember how to do some of that stuff, because believe it or not, I find I often need (gasp) MATH for some of my designs. 

Naturally I would prefer to have a computer program that would do the math for me, but so far I haven’t found one that does what I need it to.  Not that I have looked very hard – yet.  But after the latest issues I’ve had, I may begin a search in earnest. 

It all started with the usual – my getting an idea for a design that I had no earthly idea how to put together.  Here is the original sketch. 

After dutifully drawing it on graph paper, with a scale of 1 square equals 2 inches (It sure looks all official and math-y to me!)

I still didn’t know how to figure out the exact dimensions of the side triangles (I was pretty sure it wouldn't work out to count them diagonally...) But I wasn't concerned about that yet because... 

First I had to think for a moment on how to actually construct it.  Even though it’s a simple graphic design, putting it together was not so obvious to me right at first (Yes, I readily admit to being spatially challenged!)  I decided to construct the middle triangles first,

 then add the one-inch strip of white to the sides of the triangles, (these blue triangles below are not sewn together yet, they just look like it)

So far, so good, right?  But now I could no longer put off figuring out the dimensions of the yellow triangles.   How hard could it be?  I knew the length of the one side by measuring the while pieces on the sides, and I knew it was a right angle, and I knew how wide it had to be from the skinny part of the triangle to the edge if the quilt - at least I thought I did, but I still felt unsure.   

 SoI tried to draw it on an online quilting program but there was no tool for just drawing a straight line and then getting the measurements. 

I thought and thought some more and suddenly the math fairy came to me and reminded me of the Pythagorean theorem: A squared + B squared = C squared.  Only every time I did it, it didn't seem right, and I was scared to cut the triangle and have it not fit and then have to cut more strips and sew them again. 

In the end I decided to forget about trying to be all scientific and just fly by the seat of my pants, like I always do.  I would sew strips of fabric together, then sew it to the side of the triangle and cut it to fit.  No problem, I thought – I have carefully sewn the middle and it should be easy to use the straight sides to use as edges for cutting the triangles. 

What a disaster.   After sewing it together twice, it is still all wonky and I had to stop for the night lest I lose all my ability to remain even the tiniest bit zen due to massive Frustration!  

I was showing it to my husband, and I got the brilliant (we’ll see) idea to measure each triangle down the middle and cut the bottom of the side triangle to that exact specification, (I already know the one side is the correct length as it is sewn on and trimmed) That should straighten it out.  I was too tired to do it last night, but I’m going to take out all the stitches and try it this morning.  I’ll let you know how it goes…I may end up yet cutting and sewing more strips, but I’m resigned to the idea – I really like this design and I’m going to (cheerfully, dammit) make it work.

This whole thing goes to show that I really need a book, a class or (and this is my favorite scenario) a computer program that will do the measuring for me.  All I would have to do is draw the design into the program and it will not only add the seam allowances and tell me the exact measurements, but will also calculate the fabric needs as well.  If such a program exists and doesn’t cost too much, somebody PLEASE  tell me, because my art brain and my math brain do not match up at this point and it’s testing my ability to be - you know -   

Zen!

Too Much!

So I'm here in California, helping my husband go through his parents' house.  Let me tell you, there is an awful lot of stuff here.  More than it would seem possible to fit in a house, I mean. Literally every nook and cranny is filled with (well, to put it nicely) detritus.  Naturally it's gotten me to thinking about stuff.
First of all, let me say how very much I loved my in-laws.  They were very loving and accepting of me, and always good to me, and I enjoyed knowing them very much.  They are missed.  They were children of the depression, who had little to begin with but through tooth-gritting hard work managed to not only survive but to build up their "fortunes" to the point that they never had to worry about retirement, or any other issue, as they aged.   They were able to do exactly what they wanted to do, and were able to be independent, and not a burden to their children in their old age.  I considered them both a success and also people whose characters were worth emulating.
That said, there is a burden left over for their children, and that is the sheer mountains of stuff that has to be looked at and disposed of.  My father-in-law, whom we called Sir, was in the building trades for most of his life.  He would bring home any and all building materials that were offered to him.  There are tens of thousands of nails, 60 years worth of rotten wood, buckets and buckets of plumbing supplies, wires, fasteners, scads of doodads and whatnots that he never actually found use for in his basement. It's overwhelming just to go down there, let alone to try to package it all up and do something with it.  In his backyard there is such an accumulation of pipes, wood, old equipment that doesn't run anymore that I was joking to my husband that we might find a dead body buried under the years and years of accumlated tree droppings which couldn't be cleaned up because there was just too much STUFF all over the yard! It was over a foot deep!  Really!  And being in the apartment business, my father-in-law would literally pull scads and scads of books out of the dumpster, and he never ever said "no" when someone who was moving out his apartment offered him some furniture.  They must own a hundred lamps (all of them ugly) not to mention side tales, chairs, and other furniturial odds and ends.
Now Maw and Sir didn't take these things because they were greedy, or even because they were pack rats ( although arguably, Sir was a pack rat).  They took them because they didn't like things to go to waste.  They believed in reduce, reuse, recycle long before it was politically correct to do so.  The only problem was that Sir was absolutely certain he would have use for 450 light switch covers some day...He had some ichthymal ointment that was still unused, in it's original wrapping from the 1950's, in his bathroom.  He had a hair trimmer that my husband said had to date from 1955 - he said he remembered his mother cutting his and his brothers' hair with it throughout the years - that he still kept in the original box.  There are between twenty and thirty telephones, some so antique they are, I believe, from before his time (he was born in 1923). He just couldn't let go of any of it.  I remember the days before we moved to Texas, Sir going into the basement determined to get rid of some of the things he had down there - he called it agonizing reappraisal.  But he never was able to let any of it go, even though by then he definitely knew he couldn't use any of if anymore.  So now all his spaces are filled with it and it all has to go.  
So what is my point in relaying this to you - well, it's twofold.   First, we need to be thoughtful about how much stuff we accept into our lives.  The truth is, we need so much less than what we have already, and even if we might need it in the future, it's better not to store it in our homes for years and years.  My rule for clothes is if I haven't worn it in a year, it goes, period.  It's harsh, I know and sometimes it's hard for me to let go, just because whatever it is is still good, but in reality, I won't miss it if I'm not using it regularly.  I have not followed this rule with other things in my life...but the reality is, I should.  Because it's just stuff, and believe me, you don't take it with you and your kids will have to deal with it if you don't and it can be really problematic for them. (For example, we just spent two weeks getting rid of things in three houses and frankly haven't made much of a dent, so much so that we are definitely going to have to go back for at least another month, which disrupts our lives enormously.  And the truth is, no one in the family wants any of it, but we feel obligated to make sure that it goes to the right place - recycle, hospice, etc.  For the first time in my life I have actually fantasized about committing arson!)
The second point is that I believe having too many things in our lives inhibits our creativity.  When we have too much, we not only cannot see it, we also cannot experience it.  Sure, creating takes materials, but if we have too many, we miss so many possibilities because it's just too overwhelming for our senses and brains to make use of all of it at once. 
 I read a quote recently that I really liked recently that said something like this: "Anyone can make things more complicated, but it takes real genius to simplify things."  (Sorry I can't attribute it, I can't remember where I read it!)  And having too much stuff, even to create with, does complicate things.  
 I'm not telling people they should go through and throw everything out, mind you.( I read this article one time written by a guy who made it his mission to have only 100 things in his possession.   Talk about ruthlessness -  I decided I don't want to be that austere!)  I'm simply saying that I, for one, am going to get rid of some things I have that I don't use, and from now on, I really am going to think twice, maybe three times, before I buy something that isn't a necessity (and that includes face and wrinkle creams, to which I am addicted).  I'm going to be a more mindful consumer - I like so much, so many things, but I don't need to have them in order to enjoy them.  I need to experience them, not own them.
So - my goal is to purge all the stuff in my life that I don't use or need, and that includes art materials, too.  I inherited a lot and I've added to it, and it's just too much - I'm not going to use it all and I know it.  Some of the things I have I've never used once - they are gone! (metaphorically at this point) 

 I'll keep you posted on my progress as I go along - it's good to have someone keep me honest.

CREATION UPDATE:

I haven't sewn in a couple of weeks, but I did do a little painting - too busy to do much.  Here is all I had time to do:

 I'm really itching to get back at it...Got several projects I'm so excited to begin.  Alas, I have my nephew's wedding this weekend, so I probably don't have time to begin anything just now...of course that doesn't mean I won't - sometimes I can't stop myself!   
  

Don't Stop and Smell the Roses

I've been spending time with Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey lately -  not personally, of course - in the form of meditation.  I've always wanted to practice meditation but never took/made the time to do it.  I've been practicing it for nineteen days straight, and I have to say, I feel transformed by it.  No matter where life takes me from now on, meditation is going with me.  So imagine my confusion when this morning my other teacher, Eckhart Tolle talked about meditation and actually made fun of it! I was crushed, but I continued to listen nonetheless, and I think I understand now what he was saying. It's like the Godfather syndrome -  going to church every Sunday and then spending the rest of the week cheating, lying, stealing and hurting other people. Luckily, unlike Vito Corleone, I do feel it carrying over - somehow spending that 30 minutes every day reminds me to be more present all day. So for me, it's worth it.

What does medtation have to do with creativity?  Well, a lot, actually.  But before I explain, let me share another, related practice I've been doing, too.  Recently I realized I've missed a lot of things in my life, visually. Why? Well, my theory is twofold - one, I just haven't been present in the moment - I haven't taken time to really look at my surroundings and really soak up where I am because I've spent too much time interpreting it - labeling, thinking about it, and thinking about other things while I looked at it.  Now I'm more present every day, and I see, hear and feel things I never did before - I take a lot more in, wherever I am, because I'm just being, rather than thinking and interpreting all the time.

The second part of my theory is a brain thing.  I've had very poor vision since I was a young girl.  I'm convinced that as my brain developed, it just didn't get trained to connect to my eyes as much because they weren't that effective, and so I didn't form some connections that people with better sight did, which means I just don't actually notice what I see as much.  What I mean is that I see the big picture, but my brain doesn't necessarily register the details. Here's an example: On a hike and my husband and son saw a snake in a creek.  They tried and tried to point it out to me, but no matter how they described where to look,  I could not see it!  To them it was so obvious, they couldn't figure out how I could miss it but my eyes or brain simply didn't register it.  This scenario happens quite often.  

Since I've formed this theory, I have been going on what I call noticing walks - just trying to notice details. I keep them very short, because it's not about distance, it's about noticing things - really taking in the shapes of the trees or the birds, or the different types of grasses growing around them.  It's more than seeing things, actually - it's experiencing them. There's a deep sense of fulfillment, wonder and gratitude that arises from these walks- I quite like it!

Also, I'm testing out another idea I have - you see, I believe that even at my age (49), I can still form new connections in my brain.  So on my walks,  I'm trying to retrain it to see, to notice more. Not only do I think this is just plain good for my brain's elasticity as I age,  I'm also quite certain it will make me a better artist, a better writer, and most importantly, it will make me more present, more noticing,  in every situation.

So that's the link -  experiencing things in this way makes me feel strongly connected to my creative self and the creativity of the universe, to nature, to God, even to my family. I feel energized and exhilarated by it. And the cool thing is that I don't have to be surrounded by nature to do it - I can do it everywhere - in the midst of a city, on a night walk, heck, just sitting in my living room I can notice things I haven't before.  I still may not be seeing everything other people see, but I know that through meditation and "noticing walks" I'm experiencing more than I did before.  And I have no doubt that this will lead to more creativity and ideas.  Another benefit stronger clarity and focus, even when I'm doing things that I might have considered tedious before.  And even more beneficial, I feel like I'm actually gaining patience, which (as I pointed out in a recent blog), is still a developing skill for me.

So forget about stopping and just just smelling the roses - I'm going to experience them!

My Latest Project:

This is a quilt I call "Objects on the Bookshelf." that I made from leftover pieces of fabric from "Read Between the Lines."  It's a fun little piece, and I love that I made it from scraps!  I'm going to miss these prints - I had a lot of fun with them!   I'll be going on the quilting wagon for a couple of weeks - I may soon be experiencing serious withdrawal.  But -  I plan to replenish my creative well by visiting art galleries and being in nature as much as I can.  I'm going to take pictures, make sketches, and work on some other things I've neglected.  Who knows what inspiration may strike!  

Having a Blast at the Blogger's Quilt Festival

Oh my gosh, I've only been to one category of the Blogger's Quilt Festival and already I'm having so much fun!  There are so many great ideas and so much beauty - it's just so happy-making!  

I'm entering this quilt called Fill in the Squares, into the modern quilt category:

This piece was so much fun to make - I set up some different-sized squares on my design board with tape, picked out some fabrics, and started filling the squares in.  I decided to add a pop of orange to each square, which I think was a fun decision.  Since it's such a SQUARE (ha ha), I decided to quilt it with concentric circles and I must admit - I love the result.  I even made the border wonky, just for fun (although in truth it wasn't that fun trying to square it up, but oh well...) I love the printed fabrics I used so much, I keep trying to come up with more inspiration for them.  

This whole festival idea is such a great one!  I look forward to it every year.  Thanks to Amy, the sponsors, and all the people who share their amazing art!  I'm so diggin' it!  The only down side (which isn't really) is that now I'm going to have to spend even more time on my computer reading all the great blogs I discover through this contest!  It's better than watching television, anyway...

Fun for All

It's the week of the Blogger's Quilt Festival - Hooray!   Guess I better get ready to sit on my petootie for a while! I LOVE looking at all the quilts, and I LOVE finding new blogs to add to my growing list of blogs, but my backside does not love all the time I spend in my BAC (Big-Ass-Chair) with my laptop.  Too bad for it - one must take inspiration when it is offered! 

The quilt I'm entering today is called Nebula. This piece ,inspired by movement, has existed in my sketch book for at least five years - maybe longer.   Don't know why it's been on the back burner for so long, but it's been secretly calling to me for all that time.  Periodically I would come across it and think "Why have I not made this yet - I love it!" only to put in back in the book and not make it for some reason or another, which I cannot explain, really.  

A couple of months ago, with my new-found freedom and time, I got the sketch out to show to my sister and others, and their lack of enthusiasm for it only made me all the more determined to do it - I knew it was going to turn out beautifully!   In fact, I love it so much, I'm going to make a similar one (it may take another five years, but that's okay!)

Here it is, blowing in the never ending wind off my front porch - I like this photo because it really shows the quilting.  

And here is another, calmer picture taken inside:

So it's a little abstract, but I think it really captures the feeling of movement - kind of like a storm, or under the ocean.  And my sister loves  the finished product, by the way.  Just goes to show ya, you should listen to your inner creative voice, because not everyone can see what you see in your mind until the thing is done.  

Thanks to everyone who participated and shared in the Blogger's Festival!  It really is so much fun for all!

So Over It

Finally!  I just finished a project I've been working on for several weeks..  I took my time, tried for perfection, and I'm pretty satisfied with the results.  Except...

I'm so over it.   I really didn't expect to feel that way with this particular project - when I first began it, I was thinking it might be one of my best designs so far, that maybe I could enter it in QuiltCon 2015 because it was that cool and graphic.  I even had to use math to make sure I had enough material to make it, which took a calculator, an entire afternoon, and scads and scads of paper. But I persevered and remained excited throughout the process.  It's just that now that it's complete, for some reason, it doesn't seem nearly as cool as I thought it was anymore. I don't know if I'm disappointed in the piece itself, or if I'm just DUNZO!

This kind of letdown feeling happens a lot to me at the end of a big project.  I think (and hope, too) it may be because I've been so obsessed with it for so long, and it takes so much energy, drive, and time (not to mention patience) to make it happen, that when I'm finally finished I think "Eh.  Is this what all the fuss was about?" The piece itself is exactly as I pictured it, it looks just like the sketch, which I adored and could hardly wait to get started on, so what's my problem?    Do I need the damn thing to suddenly animate and dance a jig while singing 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty...'  or give me a hug and say, "Thanks for creating me, Mom." 

It's not as though I don't like it, I really do.  I still think it's cool and graphic, and I may still enter it into a quilt show or two, but I don't get that thrill I got from it every time I successfully added a group of lines to it.    

The fault doesn't lie with the finished piece, it's mine.  I am, I suppose, all about the creating, not the creation.  What keeps me going is the creating itself, and even though I may like or even love what I create,  I  I just don't need it anymore, I guess - I'm already moving on to the next idea.  

Poor art!  Its's a good thing they don't have feelings - I'd be like the Octo-Quilt Mom - once I have the things, I don't really want them anymore.  At least not for a while. The good news is that what usually happens is that I'll set it aside for a while, and then when it hasn't been in my face, clamoring for my attention in a while, I'll see it with new eyes, and I'll fall in love with it all over again.  Or not.  I learned a lot during the creation of this piece, as I do everything I create. It's now a part of me, and I may use the information again the exact same way, or I may "tweak" it next time - who knows?  It doesn't really matter, because it's all about the journey, anyway.

So "Au Revoir" quilt, into the finished pile you go.  I'll know after you've been away for a while if I still love you the way I thought I did.     

Here it is, by the way.  

It's called "Read Between the Lines."  And see - it's worthy! (Don't want it to have poor self esteem.)  

And Now for a Moment of Un-Zen

If you throw a fit like a crazed lunatic and no one is around to hear you, do you still make an ass of yourself?  I'm gonna have to say yes.  So it's no surprise  but it turns out that I am anything but Zen. I'm terribly disappointed in exactly how far from it I am, in fact, but I feel I must fess up and face my undignified behavior, in the hopes that someone else out there can somehow learn from my failure to remain calm, productive and most importantly, present, in the face of frustration.  

A month or so ago, you might remember that  I was lamenting in this blog on my lack of modern quilt design ideas.  I realized I can't force what kind of inspiration I get, and should just be glad to have any (or so many) ideas, regardless of how they might be classified on the quilting rubric.  Then one night I was suddenly jarred awake by the inspiration for not just one, but two graphic and mod quilts - hooray!  Naturally I was very excited to get started on them, so throwing aside my current project, I began my new, modern one.  The design is deceptively simple, seemingly only complicated by my lack of math and spatial skills...perhaps it should have been a warning that I had to spend several, several hours calculating and figuring, but in the end  I was kind of proud of myself when I finally got the exact configuration and lengths with no help from husband or son.  It's a very linear piece, which I know is difficult to sew accurately so I told myself at the beginning that I was going to take it very slowly, that I was going to cheerfully pull out stitches when I needed to and that I was was going to, above all, enjoy the process and not focus on the outcome.  

Days One through Three went very, very well - I was really enjoying myself, despite routinely having to rip out and re-do about about a quarter of my stitches.  I did note on Day Four that perhaps I was was spending too energy attempting perfection,  because the more I tried, the more I had to rip out vast amounts of stitches.  I figured I was out of alignment with the moment, and I decided not to pursue flawlessness so relentlessly and Viola! suddenly I found I was making far fewer mistakes.  

By then, however,  I was exhausted from trying to not become frustrated, so even though I only had two or three more rows to sew, I decided to stop.  I was too busy to work the next day, which I figured was good, because I had ALMOST become angry and frustrated on Day Four and I figured I could regroup and recover my zen anyway so that the last day ( I actually figured it would just be an hour or two of work, tops) would be smooth and frustration-free.  Also, I've noticed that often near the end of a project (pretty much any kind of project, not just art-related) I tend to make more mistakes for some reason which I have yet to fathom, so again, I thought not being able to work for a day would help avoid that issue...oy, was I wrong!

When I finally sat down to finish the piece up, everything went wrong from the very start.  I literally had to rip out every seam I sewed that day - some of them twice.  (Remember, I only had about eight seams to sew left, total but I had already been working four and a half hours and had only completed three)   I could feel the frustration boiling, but I tried to remain present and be in alignment with the moment... "Just be calm, just take your time.  Carrie - your aren't in a hurry.  You want to do this right.  It's okay to rip out this seam again, don't be frustrated, it's the process, Carrie...Carrie...CARRIE!  Stop being upset, don't curse, calm down...AAAAAAGH!  I can't stop it I'm furious what the hell is going on here?  How can this be wrong? I checked and double checked it, I pinned the hell out of it- what is the matter with me, how can this possibly be wrong?!"  (CURSE, CURSE, BLOODCURDLING, PRIMORDIAL SCREAM...BAM, BAM, BAM - OUCH, THAT HURT! I'M OFFICIALLY OUT OF CONTROL, I MUST WALK AWAY. WHY AM I SO ANGRY (OUCH MY HAND HURTS) I NEED TO STOP NOW!  OKAY, OKAY, I'M WALKING AWAY. I'M calming down now a little. O god - I cannot believe I just did that..."

Storm passed now, in pain, and appalled, my thoughts continued:

"Oh s#@&, I'm truly insane!  Where's the straightjacket - I'll put myself in it!   Thank god no one saw that (but I actually looked around furtively to ensure that no one was around).  "But what if my father actually heard me scream like that from his house a mile away (it turns out he was in town that morning anyway). It might have killed him!  Would I have acted that way if the boys were home (no, not that out of control I'm certain, but it was scant comfort as I still did do it).  Did I forget to take my hormones (never, but that would have at least been an excuse...not a good one, but still, an excuse...) I really can't remember the last time I threw a fit like that, unless it was when I was two and scared of my allergy shots...so my mental maturity is that of a toddler? Lord, help me!"  

Finally completely humiliated and sad:

"Well, I am certainly failing in my quest for spiritual growth and awakening, aren't I.  Probably I'll never get there at all.  Maybe I'm just too far gone for that, I should just give up. I guess I'm just doomed to be an unholy, unhappy mess for the rest of my life.  Maybe I'll do better in the next life...God, I SUCK!"

Yep, it really happened like that.  I'm not exaggerating.  Unfortunately.  After taking a lunch break, I made myself go up there and survey the carnage.  (It actually wasn't too bad; even in the depths of my transformation into the Incredible Ass, I knew I had no fabric to waste.)  I even put the thing together and finished the top, calm now and able to see the problem and fix it.

I'm not proud of it, though.  And I certainly can't explain my sudden inability to summon even the most rudimentary bit of wisdom and self-control, either.  The weird truth is that even though I practice spirituality daily, I've noticed myself acting out of character a lot lately (just not, thankfully, on this absurd scale) as if instead of making progress, I'm actually moving backwards, spiritually.   Again, inexplicable.  And a little disheartening, not to mention SCARY. I literally didn't know I had that in me! 

The only solace I can take from this is the thought that I really don't think I would have done it if there were anyone within hearing.  This and the fact that no one actually was within hearing. 

And can you believe it - I really LOVE this piece!  Ha - you'd think I would hate it, huh?  But  It's one of my all time favorites!  Go figure.

I sincerely hope I've learned something from it, although I haven't yet cracked that nut.  My sweet husband said "You can't be perfect all the time, Carrie."  As if I'm ever even remotely in the same universe with perfection - huh!  I appreciated the words of support, but I thank goodness he wasn't around to witness it - he might feel a little differently if he'd seen it for himself.

I also don't know why I am compelled to share this moment of shame, (hope it's not the Catholic guilt coming back - I've worked hard to banish that) because I am truly saddened and appalled by it.  While I'm realistic to the fact that it's highly likely that there will be many more moments of frustration in my life, and that I won't always be able to handle them in the manner I wish I would, I at least hope to not repeat this sort of unfathomable, disproportionate response again, ever.  

  And now back to our regularly scheduled zen...