Presto - Problemo Solvo(ed)!

It’s true - good things come to those who wait! 

I can't believe it, but I’m nearly finished with the commissioned piece!   Once I calmed down and summoned my “inner Zen,” I was able to figure it out.  And no, it wasn’t easy – I had to construct it in small pieces, and there was a great deal of tearing out and redoing because the white section had to completely match up and be perfectly (well as perfectly as I could possibly do it) aligned as well. But as it turned out, it was doable, which I knew it was, really.  But frustration happens sometimes, you know?

I just needed to take a break and remember what all this is about – the journey, not the finished project.  (Although in this particular case there IS a deadline…) 

 

(Here is the part I was having trouble figuring out – how to align the white rectangles vertically and horizontally with the other pieces jutting out into them.)
Next phase was the sandwiching.  Another challenge – at least, physically.  I’m certain I burned at least 500 calories doing it (a bonus!)   I had to clear out my living room to lay it out because a queen sized quilt, as it turns out, is HUGE. Sandwiching isn’t really difficult, but it did remind me that I am old and stiff because it took about three hours to get the backing down and secured, to get the enormous bat down flat, and to pin it.  I’m sorry to admit I had to have a pillow handy because my knees couldn’t handle it!

 Next came the ever scary (for me, anyway) issue of how to quilt the thing.  I knew I wanted to go with the linear theme, but did I want to do loops and swirls (which would be fun) or just lines or quilt across the lines in a kind of “vee” shape?  After drawing several ideas, I decided to check out the bridal registry again, just to see which ideas more closely matched the style of the bride and groom.  After perusing the stuff,  I went with a sort of broken line theme.

I feel certain it was the right choice for this piece – simplicity is this couple’s style, and I’m pleased with the way it looks, but it was no small feat to quilt, even simply, a queen-sized quilt on a brother sewing machine with a twelve inch neck!  I see the advantage of a quilting machine now - for sure if one is often making bed-sized quilts!  Even with the extra space in the neck it was rather a challenge to get the monstrous thing though the neck and keep everything straight. So not only am I glad I went with the simpler quilting because I think it it’s the right style, I’m also realizing how challenging it would have been to do the loop-di-loops, etc. and make them perfect.  As it is I’ve done a fair amount of tearing out the straight stitches – can’t imagine how it might have been the other way… Not that I’m complaining, mind you – just noting.

It’s been a really interesting journey from the beginnings of this project to the now almost – finished product.  I’m now trying now to figure out how I want to end the thing – do I want to put a binding on it or do I want to do a knife-edge finish?  I think the knife-edge would look really cool – as if the lines just stop, but since it is going to be on someone’s bed, I wonder if I don’t need to have the sturdier edge a binding creates.  It’s art versus practicality on this one, I think.  I usually opt for practical, but I’ve left plenty of room if I want to do the knife edge, too.  I’m going to let that percolate for a while and see what seems right. 

That’s what I love about art – there are always so many possibilities and ideas!  Some people might find that annoying, but I love the endless options – it’s a challenge! I’m not saying I always make the right choice, but I enjoy having several ideas and then sitting back and letting the universal creativity guide me – I know it knows what to do, even when I don’t.  I just have to have faith in it. 

Projects like this one are just proof of that.

Still unquilted, but I can’t believe how much I like it – even the muted colors!  I’ll try to share a photo when the project is 100% complete – hopefully this week as the deadline is July 6^th!

Oy! What kind of a Mess have I gotten myself into?

Let me start by apologizing for dropping the ball with my blog for the last eight months.  I started a new job, and life happened, and I just got tired.  But with the advent of spring and exercise, I'm now ready to begin writing again.  I can't promise a post every week, because that would just be a fat lie, so I'm going to just try to post a couple of times a month.  Hope you'll still follow me.  And besides, who really reads a blog every week?  Even some of my best friends admit that they haven't been reading the blog ( catch up, people - I would read YOUR blogs!)   Even though I haven't been writing, I have still been quilting, so I have plenty of stuff to talk about.  (As if I could EVER run out of things to say - that would be a miracle, I am sure.)  So apology made, here goes:

 I’m having a problem with my latest project.  It’s my first commissioned quilt.  When I agreed to do it, I was a little trepidacious.  First I was worried about trying to create to someone else’s specifications.  Then I heard about the colors and became even more anxious!  (Dove grey! Beige and tan with a hint of lavender!)  These are colors I have never gravitated towards naturally.  In fact, I’ve never made a quilt that wasn’t pretty much at the opposite end of the spectrum.  But that part’s okay, it’s a challenge, and I relish challenges. 

Then there came the fear of pleasing other people with my artistic vision – something I haven’t to date, done specifically.   Up to now, the way it has worked is like this:  I get an idea and it excites me and I create it – it pleases me, and I truly hope but am not overwhelmingly concerned with whether it pleases other people, too.   Also, when someone commissions a piece of art, I would assume the person has something in mind, and that’s daunting, too –what if it’s something they’ve seen that just won’t work with the colors, or something that just won’t work, period?  Worse than that, I might be forced to create something I just can’t get excited about, which would not only be hard to complete, but if I’m not excited about it, then how can I really do a fantastic job, put my heart and soul into it - which, to me, is what makes art come alive.  A scary thought – to have to spend a great deal of time on something I just cannot stand.  Yikes.  Talk about draining the excitement out of creating.

My next concern was that I would have trouble coming up with ideas.  Normally, ideas are not a problem for me – I eat, sleep and dream ideas.  Nope, it’s time that’s always been an issue for me – I have to work, be a mom, a wife, etc. and that leaves very little time for art.  Now I’d been given parameters that are a bit foreign to me, and I want, no - NEED -  the customers to be completely excited and satisfied with the product, but what if I draw a blank for the first time ever?  Or I’m unable “create on demand?”  I’ve never tried before in this type of artistic situation – could be also very scary.  I’m just not sure about this whole commission thing…but I wanted to try, so I sucked up my fears and blew them away with a nice, big bad wolf breath. 

Ironically, despite my fears, none of the above things I fretted about are the issue I’m having with my quilt.  I found materials in the requested colors that were perfect and inspiring, I channeled several ideas that excited both me and the clients, who actually let me choose which one to make – even better!

But my knickers are really in a twist because (gulp) I still haven’t figured out how to construct the damn thing!  I’ve got the basics figured out but as it turns out what seemed like a pretty simple design is actually (or should I say naturally in a sarcastic fashion?  No, I won’t say it because that would be snotty.  But I did write it, and I’m not taking it out. J) quite complex and I can’t come up with a good, clean way to put the thing together in a way that 1) pleases me and  2) is actually doable.   I worked on it all weekend, and I haven’t worked it out yet. And while I have freely and without shame admitted in the past that when I get frustrated my language could cause a sailor to blush,  yesterday I really lost it and did the most un-Zen thing I’ve done in a great while – I ripped part of the quilt apart in frustration.  To quote about a million teenagers – OMG!  I was so shocked at my own behavior I stopped quilting and went outside and spent three hours cleaning my car, something I had been dreading doing because it was so frighteningly filthy I couldn’t bring myself do it.  But I clearly needed to regroup, and I hoped that maybe I would have a Eureka moment once I let go and put my mind to another task. 

The good news is that now the car is spotless (and by golly, if my son puts his large, stinky feet on the glove box I’m going to slap them down, STAT!) but I still haven’t figured out the quilt!  I’m not too panicked yet, I still have two months to complete it, but still – I don’t know if I’m going to run into other issues , like say, with the quilting (it’s a queen-sized quilt and I don’t have a long arm quilter, for example)  And still some other unforeseen problem could crop up as well – perish the thought!  (And shut up, you neurotic idiot – don’t worry about things that aren’t happening – didn’t you learn anything from the first three paragraphs?  Argghhh!)

So I’m kind of annoyed with my brain, or the god of creativity, or the universe  (or whoever- besides myself, of course- is to blame) for allowing me to dream up an idea but not allowing me to come up with the means to execute said idea.  Not Cool, Creativity! 
I’m thinking of standing on my head for a while – maybe an idea with rush into my brain along with all the blood.  I tried yoga and meditation this morning, but nope –still no breakthrough. 

 So I’m trying NOT trying.  Just having faith that it will come together.  Because deep down I know it will.  I’m not saying there’s going to be an easy solution.  Heck, I’m not even hoping for that .  (As my excellent mother always said, “Carrie, nobody ever said it was going to be easy.”)  No, I’ll happily settle for doable. 

When the answer comes, I’ll be ready for it.  In the meantime, I think I’ll practice getting my Zen groove back on.  I fell off the wagon for a moment I suppose.  The great thing is that it never leaves without you, it just patiently waits for you to hop back on and start enjoying the ride again.  Now that’s something to be grateful about.

Another fun Blogger's Quilt Festival Event!

So I almost missed a chance to take part in another blogger's Quilt Festival, sponsored by Amy's Creative Side - always such an inspiring thing.  So happy that I didn't miss my chance.  The quilt I've decided to enter is here, called, oddly enough, "Waiting at the DMV." 

 

 Let me explain.  My son turned 15 this year, and he completed his driver's ed packet and wanted to get his learner's permit.  This monumental  milestone caused me to wake up in the middle of the night in tears because a) my baby is growing up and would be gone soon and b) my baby is growing up and it's very scary to think of him out there in the big world on his own...DRIVING!  But something else came of it as well - this quilt!

You see, we went to our local, small-town DMV only to find that the computer was down and we had to drive to the DMV in the next small town.  No problem - it was only 22 miles away.  But when we got there, there was a line.  A long line.  A very long line, in fact.  So long that after 35 minutes in line we had not moved a whit.  Also not a problem, thanks to my practice of being in the moment, zen-like.  But soon it was an hour and still no movement!  The people were friendly in line, and we struck up several conversations that were pleasant, but it was clearly going to be a long afternoon.  My mind began to wander, and all of a sudden, I got an idea.  This idea was so compelling that I wanted to sketch it, but having no paper on me, I had to run to the car.  Half an hour later, Jonas had his driver's permit, and I had a new idea for a quilt!  This is pretty much exactly the vision that came into my head, give or take a few holes. 

I realize that it doesn't have a thing to do with cars or driving, but there you have it.  I think it's pretty fun anyway.

Thanks to Amy for letting me feature it in the Blogger's film festival.
Stats:  This finished quilt measures 28" x 28"
It is made with applipiecing and applique.
It was designed, pieced, and quilted by myself.
Best category for it is "Art Quilt."



<div align="center"><a href="http://amyscreativeside.com/" title="Amy's Creative Side"><img src="http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4090/4837371093_d222455d7c_o.jpg" alt="Amy's Creative Side"

Round and Round and Round and Round I Go

I wonder how many people out there would define themselves as “driven.”  Personally I’ve never considered myself particularly ambitious.  I always thought my serious, athletic older sister was the driven one.  No one, I mean no one, could stop her when she was going for the basket, not even a six-foot-three, 220 pounder.  She was equally determined to succeed in her professional life, and she has, as well as having two terrific kids and a 25+ year marriage!  None of this has ever surprised me – to me, she’s always been the boss; I’ve never questioned it. (And I admit I’m sort of scared of what she would do to me if I did…not really, but sort of.)

As for me, I always felt I was the mellow, go-with-the-flow type.  I too played hoops – I did well enough and had loads of fun, but I was no killer.  I went to college and grad school and did well academically, but I never felt particularly ambitious in a boss-y, business, money-making kind of way.  I leaned toward social work or teaching, and ended up teaching and that was all good.  In essence I sort of saw myself as a hippie-cool chick, not entirely in the mainstream, but still doing some good for my family and society and earning a decent, if secondary income.

HA!  I’m laughing because now I realize I am totally and completely driven, and always have been.   It’s just that my drive is my overwhelming urge to create - how else can you explain me working all day yesterday through a splitting headache to finish a piece of art? How else do you explain the fact that I don’t even want to stop to take care of my house, work, animals, my family (whom I dearly love; really -  I’d give either of them my heart if they needed it), or even go to the bathroom when I’m working?   How else can you explain the fact that I’m totally psyched to start on the next one the second I’m done with the last one?  I told my husband last night that I almost feel crazed with ideas – it’s like I’m a gerbil on an exercise wheel of creativity and I can’t stop turning it! 

Looking back at my teaching career, I see the same kind of - I was going to say insanity, but let’s call it motivation.   I remember a conversation I once had with a like-minded teacher.  We were laughingly saying we wished we wouldn’t think of so many great ideas because whenever did we felt compelled to make it happen no matter how exhausting it was - we just couldn’t stop ourselves!   I would twist myself in knots trying to teach such fascinating concepts as pronouns, for example in some motivating, interesting, meaningful way.  I’d work weekends and nights trying to come up with the perfect way to get an idea or knowledge across to students.  I’d do crazy things like dressing up as a Greek goddess, or wearing question marks all over my clothes and face to encourage kids to ask questions.  Whatever it took, I would do it, because, as it turns out, I AM driven.  I just didn’t realize what that thing was that was compelling me to pour so much energy into my teaching, and now, my art. 

The difference is, of course, with teaching, I got a regular paycheck, and with art – well, that’s another story... In some cases, art does pay, though.  I was looking at some art by Gerhard Richter the other day (his stuff makes my breath catch!) and I was amazed not only by his work, but by its sheer volume.   Hundreds and hundreds of incandescent and dazzling works of art - and in different mediums, too - painting, glass and photography as well.  How the hell does he do it all?  I suppose one might even describe him as driven...YA THINK?!  Even now at age eighty-four he’s still painting and having a blast with it…awesome.  And did I mention, inspiring?  When I told my husband about him, he cleverly read his biography (naturally I skipped the bio part and went straight for the art) and it turns out that as well as being brilliant he’s also the most successful living artist - his works pull in millions of dollars! Now I’d call that a decent living. 

Make no mistake here, please.  I’m NOT - no I’m not in any way - comparing myself to Gerhard Richter in the artistic sense (although I wish, how I wish, I could), and I realize that for me, making even a modest living off this drive to create art with fabric is probably not to be. That’s okay, though, I’m not going to lament it and I’m not going to let it stop me from creating.  At the moment, I’m going to ride this crazy wheel I’m on while I can as fast as it will turn. 

Yes, it’s true, I may have to curb the impulse a little and go back to a “real” job soon, but that’s okay, too, because now I realize I’ll just take my tiny little "crazy wheel " of creation with me and use it there.  And it will come right back home with me, so in between work and life I can still “do” art.  Yippee!

I guess the truth is that I was always scared to be seen as ambitious, because I didn't have confidence that I could succeed in the same way my wonderful sister could, and perhaps I couldn't. But I get now that that's okay - we are different people with different goals.  And now, older and, well - more experienced, I see that "SUCCESS!" can be defined on many different levels and that we each have to figure out what that definition means for ourself. And that just makes me feel excited and maybe a little bit lucky, too. Because as nutty as it is, I kinda like my drive, after all. 

So go ahead, embrace your ambition- just don't let anybody else tell you what it looks like!

 

Friend with (Creative) Benefits

So many of my friends are creative types.   Take my friend Cindy – the decorating ideas she comes up with are nothing short of genius!  It’s as if she walks into a room and ideas just start flowing.  One day I asked her about some of the inspiring things she’s done in her own house and she said that most people would be too scared to do them in their homes because it’s too permanent.  This is a sentiment I highly disagree with on many levels – one, NOTHING is permanent - everything changes.  Anyone with children knows the furniture doesn’t last more than a couple of years – unless it’s a) really ugly or b) covered with plastic (a practice I simply cannot fathom). Two, I realize people are paying a lot of money to decorate, but on the other hand, why not do what really makes you happy in your own space?  Why take it so seriously?  I think decor should be fun and make you look around your house and feel happy, peaceful, joyful.  (Which reminds me of the time I glued farm animals to the top of my television.   Oddly enough, many people thought I was crazy but I really liked it, thought it added a whimsical touch of color.  I guess that might be where the inspiration came for these farm animals which dot the walls and cranny's of the room with the tv in it - I think I may be the only person who likes them in there, but so what?!)  I realize that farm animals are not for everyone, but who are you decorating your house for if not yourself – you spend the most time there.  But I'm totally digressing - back to my creative friends...In addition to her decorating skills, Cindy also makes the most amazing stained glass art – very original.   Hope to have some of it my house someday really soon.

I have two friends who are writers.  Stephanie writes poetry.  She’d love to do it for a living, but living on words – even beautiful ones, is a sparse diet.  She doesn’t let that daunt her – she and several other artists have created a forum and share their creations with the community, and she’s part of a writing group that meets regularly.  Tamara just finished a novel, has written several screenplays, and also sculpts.  Karen and Diane are both quilters extraordinaire.  Maria paints and makes goat soap; my other buddy, Hartley also makes soap and does hypnosis.  My lifelong friend, Theresa, used to cut my hair before she actually went to school and learned how to do it (and it looked good, I might add).  Oh my gosh – there’s Amy - a wickedly creative teacher…Judy is a gourmet cook…my husband and son are two of the most out-of-the-box thinkers I’ve ever encountered...I could go on, but lists are boring so I’ll stop – you get the idea.

Being friends with all these people is quite beneficial.  Like a sucker-fish on a shark I feed off of each and every one of them.  They inspire me…push me…their ideas give me ideas.  It’s exhilarating to be around them.   But looking at my (could be longer) list, I realize something.   It’s not that I only surround myself with creative-types - in fact, some of these people might dare to argue that they aren’t creative types at all.  But we all do have something in common – in some way, we’ve given ourselves over to our creativity.   Granted, some of us are just standing on the precipice and dip our toes in occasionally while others have completely opened our veins to the creative juices, but I’ll make no value statements here about that.  It's immaterial, really. 

It makes me feel so lucky to live in modern times when we have time to pursue these passions and explore our creativity.  Thinking about that, however, I suppose that many people throughout history have used all the creativity  they had just to survive!   I guess we are just lucky that we are able to be creative as a species.   There are so many ways for it to manifest itself we probably don't even recognize it sometimes.   And it's probably a use it or lose it kind of deal, so we should all work our creative bone every chance we get.   Oh, and it doesn't hurt to hang out with wildly creative people, either. 

   

Got Fervor?

So from where does inspiration come?  It seems to come from everywhere, actually.  One can be inspired in the most unexpected ways and places, sometimes it’s inconvenient and sometimes kind of funny – like having to make a sketch of some idea in the dark theater in the middle of a movie - but I subscribe to the belief that it’s all out there coming from the one source, and we just have to be present and aware and it flows in.  Not that it matters, I’m just thrilled to be channeling all this creativity from the universe.   

At least, I think I am.

 I mean, I have so many ideas and plans right now, I don’t know how I can possibly get them all done - ever.  And yet I’m constantly bombarded by a barrage of inspiration…I dutifully sketch them, (not just because I don’t want to lose the vision but because I’m actually sort of an organized sort – not that you could tell that by my studio) add them to my list, and sometimes I’m so excited I abandon whatever I’m currently working on to begin something else because I’m totally compelled by it.  It’s both exhilarating and exhausting…naturally I love it!

But once again, I find myself questioning this drive to create and what it’s all about.  It’s by no means a secure investment of my time or money, but for some reason I just can’t seem to care, which naturally scares the stuffing out of my practical, responsible side.   Let’s be honest – it is a bit scary/ridiculous that I resent having to work at my part-time job because it interferes with my art. It’s only three days a week, for goodness sake!  But there you have it - I think I might need an intervention…

And BAM! Once again my examination of my own insanity leads to a new revelation. It seems I have to have a passion in my life, something that is almost – oh, who am I kidding - completely consuming.  Looking back I realize I was that way as a teacher too – couldn’t stop the ideas, had trouble walking away and if I had an idea, no matter how much work it was, I had to pursue it.  So why would it surprise me that I’m this way about art?  I guess because as I’ve already pointed out, I’m actually rather a practical gal (or at least there’s a practical element to my personality) and this particular passion is far from a sure thing, whereas a teaching career is mostly secure – at least it’s a regular paycheck one can count upon while it lasts.  Art is decidedly not, hence the fear factor.

I guess letting go of teaching allowed a new channel to open up, like the old saying of closing the door and opening a window.  Maybe it’s that way with everything, not just creativity.  Truly letting go of something – anger, hurt, resentment, fear – even security - will and can let something else in, and my guess is that whatever comes is going to be just fine. 

What if it really is all about accepting what is here and now?  Just being where one is and not looking for – anything, really.  It sounds good, but is it practical?  Perhaps it is, because whatever is, well -  is - and not accepting it won’t necessarily change it, it will just make the moment unpleasant.  So instead of fretting, I’m going to worry less and just do this  – pour all my energy into this moment, but be accepting of the (so rude!) interruptions of life, work and family.  That doesn’t mean I won’t take action or make changes, but hopefully it will come from the same place as the creativity instead of some ego-driven, anxiety-based, needy drive for fulfillment.

Whew – it sure sounds simple, but in all honesty, I’m not entirely sure I know what true acceptance feels like because I’m not sure I’ve ever truly experienced it.  I know I’ve seen it – most recently through my excellent mother’s example, and it looks – peaceful and lovely…like something worth pouring one’s energy into.  So here I go…check up with me later and see if I’m doing it, would you?  (Although you probably won’t need to as the universe seems to do a pretty good job of reminding me…)

OOOOMMMM

Back at It

So I haven't posted all summer. Obviously.  Believe me, I haven't run out of things to say.  As if that were possible - there are far too many angles to creativity, not to mention my brain just never shuts up...nor, those who know me well might be thinking, do I. 
Once this was so, but it's no longer true, actually.  I have learned in the past year to ignore my shouting brain a great deal, and just be present.  It takes practice and discipline for me to do this, and I don't always succeed, but what a difference it's made in me and in my life - all good. 
Furthermore, what's interesting is the result: A marathon of ideas and creating.  I haven't been writing, but believe me, I've been busy.  It's quite distracting, really, the way I'm being constantly bombarded with ideas - I shut my eyes to go to sleep and pop, INCOMING!  I'm staring at a bunch of fabric which I would never normally be attracted to (almost finished with that one)...one night I stayed up half the night sketching half a dozen ideas that simply would not let me rest until I got them on paper, then went to my studio and picked out the fabric.   While waiting in a two-hour line with my son to get his learner's permit (Yikes!) I simply allowed the moment(s) to be. Suddenly into my head popped a design for a quilt. It was so powerful that I had to run outside to the 100+ degree car and sketch it immediately.
It's rather lovely, really, although I do find that I need to learn some moderation.  I now have a super long idea list. (Yeah, I make lists of future projects - what about it?!)  But the moderation part is difficult.  I was actually not excited to go on vacation this summer because I knew I wouldn't be able to create for a few weeks  (I got over it, but still -that's SICK!)   And when my son was away at band camp a week or so ago, I literally created all day every day - I mean sixteen, eighteen hour days, and I only stopped when I was cross-eyed from fatigue.   
I really don't want to stop working - it's so odd, really.  I mean, I love my family, and I do need desperately to clean my windows and yes, there are crunchy things under my feet when I walk around the house, not to mention the sever layers of dust in/on my car...(heavy sigh)how tedious.
It makes me wonder why.  Why am I so driven by this need to be constantly creating?  Why is this urge so strong that I literally resent having to go to the bathroom?  Surely it simply cannot sustain itself at this level.  (I'm not altogether sure I want it to, anyway - my house might be condemned, not to mention I might lose my job...my family...all my friends...)  The irony is that it isn't at all a practical thing upon which to spend so much time and energy - I mean, by no means is there any assured return on my investment of time, but on the other hand -  it makes me feel so alive, so excited, so free.   Just thinking about it makes me want to go upstairs and get to work... 
I've tried to make myself a schedule, and I do force myself to drive to town and pick my son up from band practice (So demanding!), and I'm still fixing meals (occasionally) and doing laundry (half-assedly). I'm even planning a last summer fling for my family to float down the river this week, but beneath it all I still hear the siren call of my studio, my ideas, and my art, beckoning.  
I'm just going with it for the moment, allowing it to be what it is - a glorious cacophony of inventiveness and productivity.  And I do think in time it will even itself out, because after all I do have a practical, mature, realistic side, and I'm not entirely selfish and self-centered (I think).  But I must say, I do understand Jackson Pollack a lot better now. 

Here are some of the fruits of my summer labor:

Lightswitch

Color Block II

Dreaming in African II

Glacier

SHAZAM!