Lightning Strikes!

          We’re ten minutes down the road on a trip when suddenly I have to pee violently.  Damn, we just left and none of us, including me, want to stop.  Plus we’re in the middle of nowhere.   This is extremely inconvenient, not to mention uncomfortable.  Luckily I still have my “teacher’s bladder,” which can hold it for hours (in this case, just 20 or so minutes before we hit a gas station.) Then ahh – relief.  I don’t know why things have to happen at such inopportune times…

          I have the same trouble with artistic urges.  I’ll be at work, when I’m suddenly seized with a “brilliant” idea or a deep urge to create.  It will sing through my veins and circulate throughout my brain and all I want to do is get to my studio and get started – NOW!  But, alas, it isn’t possible at the moment.   I do carry around a small notebook in which to put ideas, which helps a lot…but it’s certainly not as satisfying as having an inspiration and being able to instantly get started.  This happens to me often. 

          I’ve had compelling creative urges on an airplane, in the middle of a training, when I was on a dinner date with my husband...even once in the middle of a job interview.  I was trying to concentrate and this idea kept bubbling around the periphery of my thoughts – I had to mentally admonish my brain to shut up so I could finish.  After the interview, I rushed home and immersed myself In my studio for two days.  (I did get the job, by the way, and I have the quilt to prove it!) 

          It’s interesting that ideas and urges occur when I can’t get to my studio or when I am doing something completely unrelated.  I’ve decided that the fact of being busy seems to actually stimulate my brain, which is good.   However, it can also be enormously frustrating because more often than not, I simply can’t stop what I’m doing and rush to my studio and get to work like I want to - but that’s what the little notebook is all about, I guess.  Sometimes I lose ideas – that’s even worse!   It seems that I have one of those brains whose synapses simply cannot be controlled! I imagine that they are a tangle of unruly connections that pop off whenever and in whatever direction they feel like, whereas other people’s brains are much more ordered and synchronized.

          What is ironic, however, is that sometimes when I actually have a little time and energy to work on something, I flatline.  I suppose I’m just a contrarian to the max – I even thwart myself!  Here’s an example:  I’ve been really inspired lately with ideas for these animals that I paint, and I had a bunch of ideas written down.  Last night I had an hour or two before bed so I decided to work on one of them.  But when I was facing a blank pig, none of them seemed right or exciting.  I doodled quite a bit but was dissatisfied with all the designs – I had no mojo.  How disappointing, when all day I had wanted to get to my art but had no time.  After fiddling around for an hour or so, my eyes began to droop so, defeated, I decided to go bed.  No sooner had I laid my head on the pillow when - BOOM – inspiration!

 Go figure.

Oh well, at least I know what I’m going to do with that blank pig…whenever I can get to it, that is.

Up on the Latest?

I love art. But the thing about art is that there’s so much of it!  There is an infinite number of styles, methods, techniques, ideas, and ways to combine materials.  This is a great thing.  And at any given moment, someone is giving birth another new idea, often with amazing and breathtaking results.   It’s literally impossible to think that one can possibly know all the new ins and outs of art, but I, apparently am so far behind, I might be described as being in the Dark Ages. 

Let me illustrate:   When I was at the quilt show I noticed a new (to me, anyway) technique that was really making its way around the hall.  I had never heard of this technique before the quilt show, but it seemed to be everywhere I went with very inspiring results.  Everyone else seemed to be completely “up” on this new thing, but I had never even heard of it!  It was then that I realized that “hipster” me (as I like to think of myself) is actually a quilting dinosaur -  while the rest of the fiber art world is moving at the speed of light, me and my pea brain are plodding slowly through the fabric jungle, waiting for the creative meteor to hit.  Yikes!

Rarely do I know about trends and techniques in the quilting world.  This is further illustrated to me every time I actually make it to my quilting bee.  I just don’t know where these women get their 411!  They seem to know about everyone  and everything, from fabric to techniques to machines, thread, notions…the list continues while  I  sit there, woefully ignorant and completely unschooled.   

“Maybe I need to take more quilting classes,” I think.  “Or do more internet searches…or order more magazines on quilting…” (Come to think of it, I did order a magazine on machine quilting at the quilt show, but for some reason it hasn’t shown up yet - perhaps I had better check up on that sometime.  Especially since it was one of those unintended purchases that put me over my spending limit, and here I sit, not getting one iota of knowledge or enjoyment from it – shame on me!)  But for some reason, I never actually do it.

I did join a Textile Arts Guild in Austin back in October, thinking it would be a way to learn new things, but have been unable to remember to go to any of the meetings thus far, which makes me think that perhaps this was not such a bully idea. (Past experience tells me that if I don’t actually remember something is happening  - like a once a month meeting - I actually have no interest in it.)  So I’ll let that membership lapse, although I’m sure there was a lot I could’ve learned from the experience. 

I want to learn more, become better, truly I do.  And I know there are many people out there from whom I can learn a great deal.  But still, I seem to resist.  I wonder why…

First, I must say that it’s not as though I have any trouble coming up with projects even in my state of ignoramus-ness.  I’m full of ideas, in fact.  There are several sketches, notes, lists of ideas, etc. waiting to be turned into reality in my studio right at this moment.  And many of them, as I have pointed out before, are more than a bit ambitious.  I definitely learn as I go on many of my projects, which may mean that I am wasting time inventing a technique that is already in service – hmm - doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?

On the flip side, in a Willy Wonka world with too many choices and where everything looks fun and delicious, I want to try it all - but I simply cannot.  The danger of becoming overwhelmed with intentions and actually never doing anything is a very real one, at least for me.  I guess one way of not flat-lining is to just not know about it – that way I won’t feel like I’m missing something.   

There’s another reason, too, for my lack of expert knowledge, if I’m to be completely honest (and of course, I must).   I have to admit that while I love to go to the quilt festival and be inspired by the beauty and innovation I see there, I like to try to come up with stuff on my own – to not be too influenced by new trends, but to just let my ideas bubble up organically, with no “fad fertilizer.”  How cheeky!  “Who the hell do I think I am? “ I ask myself.  Well, it’s not exactly just arrogance – allow me to explain myself to me (and you.)

It’s not like I don’t realize that none of my ideas are inherently original; I feel like my connection to life and other human beings precludes that, but if I’m not so “in the know,” then I can feel like they’re developing from a place of creativity inside me; from my consciousness  - which come to think of it, doesn’t really work for me either, because I believe my consciousness is connected to everyone else, anyway. 

“So,” you might say “what’s the difference?”  Well, as it turns out, for me -- that’s where a lot of my creative enjoyment is derived – coming up with a ridiculous or fantastic idea and finding some way to make it a reality.  Part of the pleasure I get is from actually not knowing what I’m doing!  Now, not having all the skills and the knowledge to make my dreams three dimensional might (and does) lead to disaster or failure at times, but I guess that’s just the way I like to do it -it’s part of the journey for me.   

However,  I’m still gonna make an attempt to be more informed – you never know when – or how – creativity might strike, and when it does, it does help a lot to have the skills to turn that creative idea into a living, breathing piece of art.  I’m going to look things up on the internet more, and try to stay more informed on techniques, etc – in small doses.  (I learned from Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka that too much of a good thing can indeed be bad.)   

Ahh -  suddenly (Satori!)  I realize that having skills and knowledge is not going to stop me from coming up with ideas  - in fact, often understanding leads to greater freedom  -  freedom to go wherever my little dinosaur brain can take me.  It’s not about waiting for the creative meteor to hit - it’s about the steps you take before it hits.  Then you might just have somewhere to go afterwards. 

Well, like I said, it’s a journey…  

To Trend or Not to Trend

I love art. But the thing about art is that there's so much of it!  There are an infinite number of styles, methods, techniques, ideas, and ways to combine materials.  This is a great thing.  And at any given moment, someone is giving birth another new idea, often with amazing and breathtaking results.   It’s literally impossible to think that one can possibly know all the new ins and outs of art, but I, apparently am so far behind, I might be described as being in the Dark Ages. 

Let me illustrate:   When I was at the quilt show I noticed a new (to me, anyway) technique that was really making its way around the hall.  I had never heard of this technique before the quilt show, but it seemed to be everywhere I went with very inspiring results.  Everyone else seemed to be completely “up” on this new thing, but I had never even heard of it!  It was then that I realized that “hipster” me (as I like to think of myself) is actually a quilting dinosaur -  while the rest of the fiber art world is moving at the speed of light, me and my pea brain are plodding slowly through the fabric jungle, waiting for the creative meteor to hit.  Yikes!

Rarely do I know about trends and techniques in the quilting world.  This is further illustrated to me every time I actually make it to my quilting bee.  I just don’t know where these women get their 411!  They seem to know about everyone  and everything, from fabric to techniques to machines, thread, notions…the list continues while  I  sit there, woefully ignorant and completely unschooled.   

“Maybe I need to take more quilting classes,” I think.  “Or do more internet searches…or order more magazines on quilting…” (Come to think of it, I did order a magazine on machine quilting at the quilt show, but for some reason it hasn’t shown up yet - perhaps I had better check up on that sometime.  Especially since it was one of those unintended purchases that put me over my spending limit, and here I sit, not getting one iota of knowledge or enjoyment from it – shame on me!)  But I never actually do it.

 I did join a Textile Arts Guild in Austin back in October, thinking it would be a way to learn new things, but have been unable to remember to go to any of the meetings thus far, which makes me think that perhaps this was not such a bully idea. (Past experience tells me that if I don’t actually remember something is happening  - like a once a month meeting - I actually have no interest in it.)  So I’ll let that membership lapse, although I’m sure there was a lot I could’ve learned from the experience. 

I want to learn more, become better, truly I do.  And I know there are many people out there from whom I can learn a great deal.  But still, I seem to resist.  I wonder why…

First, I must say that it’s not as though I have any trouble coming up with projects even in my state of ignoramus-ness.  I’m full of ideas, in fact.  There are several sketches, notes, lists of ideas, etc. waiting to be turned into reality in my studio right at this moment.  And many of them, as I have pointed out before, are more than a bit ambitious.  I definitely learn as I go on many of my projects, which may mean that I am wasting time inventing a technique that is already in service – hmm - doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, does it?

On the flip side, in this world of instant info, there is so very much out there to learn, see, and know – the danger of becoming overwhelmed with intentions and actually not doing anything is a very real one, at least for me.  In a Willy Wonka world with too many choices and where everything looks fun and delicious, I want to try it all…but I simply cannot.  I guess one way of not flat-lining is to just not know about it – that way I won’t feel like I’m missing something.   

There’s another reason, too, for my lack of expert knowledge, if I’m to be completely honest (and of course, I must).   I have to admit that while I love to go to the quilt festival and be inspired by the beauty and innovation I see there, I like to try to come up with stuff on my own – to not be too influenced by new trends, but to just let my ideas bubble up organically, with no “fad fertilizer.”  How cheeky!  “Who the hell do I think I am? “ I ask myself.  Well, it’s not exactly just arrogance – allow me to explain myself to me (and you.)

It’s not like I don’t realize that none of my ideas are inherently original;  I feel like my connection to life and other human beings precludes that, but if I’m not so “in the know,” then I can feel like they’re developing from a place of creativity inside me; from my consciousness  - which come to think of it, doesn’t really work for me either, because I believe my consciousness is connected to everyone else, anyway, in a way. 

“So,” you might say “what’s the difference?”  Well, as it turns out, for me -- that’s where a lot of my creative enjoyment is derived – coming up with a ridiculous or fantastic idea and finding some way to make it a reality.  Part of the pleasure I get is from actually not knowing what I’m doing!  Now, not having all the skills and the knowledge to make my dreams three dimensional might (and does) lead to disaster or failure at times, but I guess that’s just the way I like to do it -it’s part of the journey for me.   

However,  I’m still gonna make an attempt to be a little more informed – you never know when – or how – creativity might strike, and when it does, it does help a lot to have the skills to turn that creative idea into a living, breathing piece of art.  I’m going to look things up on the internet more, and try to stay more informed on techniques, etc – in small doses.  (I learned from Augustus Gloop in Willy Wonka that too much of a good thing can indeed be bad.)   

Ahh -  suddenly (Satori!)  I realize that having skills and knowledge is not going to stop me from coming up with ideas  - in fact, often understanding leads to greater freedom  -  freedom to go wherever my little dinosaur brain can take me.  It’s not about waiting for the creative meteor to hit - it’s about the steps you take before it hits.  Then you’ll have somewhere to go afterwards. 

Well, like I said, it’s a journey…  

Bunches and Bunches...of Malarky

OMG – what load last week’s blog was.  Let me just tell you right now about that schedule I planned to assiduously adhere to last week:   It ain’t going to happen, folks!  (Those of you who know me well are possibly rolling around on the floor in hilarity right about now, aren’t you?  Well…you told me so!)  All I can say in my defense is that I actually was completely sincere at the time…

In fact, just looking at the list as I formed it made me feel itchy and irritable – I wanted to reach into the computer and wipe that smug list off its smug, flat face!  I started dreading getting up in the morning to face the list before I even put a single item on it!

But I did have an epiphany (yep, another one).  In the act of trying to be “a grown up,” I realized what I want to do at this moment is to give myself permission to  be free to do what I feel like doing at any given moment, not tie myself to some esoteric ideal of how I should be behaving.  It’s not as though I’m  NOT getting anything done, anyway – I feel I am taking better care of my family and my life than I ever have done before and I’m full of ideas and joy, so really, what more is there?  I just thought that maybe I could fit more “creative” time in, but really, it’s just a matter of choice.  I can find the time if I want to, or I can waste time on things that don’t really matter to me.  It’s that simple. 

Now then, it wasn’t a total wasted idea, making a list - it did help to look at what’s important to me on a daily basis.  I also ended up making a list of “BIG” To-do’s; things I want to accomplish in the Near…or Not-So-Near, future.  Also known as a “Someday maybe I might want to”, or “Someday I might absolutely have to do this or else” – you know, a long-range list. 

I’ll print it and put it on my kitchen bulletin board where I will, most likely, happily ignore it most of the time (as I do my calendar).  Then, every once in a while I’ll think ‘Hey, I think I actually feel like cleaning out the car today,’ or I might experience some such rare and out-of-character urge to organize my closet or to do some other equally dreary, but once accomplished task which leads to a shallow sense of accomplishment and even temporary enjoyment (temporary because it will soon be a mess again - but still worth it). 

This burst of "Type A" energy will come over me for no particular reason, as it occasionally does, and I will swiftly move to act on it so as to be able to actually cross an item off the list.   As I accomplish my big tasks I’ll possibly do a little tarantella or salsa dance of joy and then go back to complete disregard of it again for a long while. 

Naturally I realize I’ll have to add more to it at times - I’m no idealistic fool! ("HA!" again, huh?)   In fact, it shall henceforth be known as the “Neverending List of Things that Must Be Done at Some Point…Or Another.”

But for now it’s back to flying by the seat of my pants again for me, pretty much.  Hey …at least I’ll be flying! J